Bon Iver

“Bon Iver woke me up this morning with 40 solid minutes of loving cunnilingus, then whistled a new song while he pulled on his Carhartt jeans.” That’s really all you need to know. But here are a few more:

  • “This morning we sat on the front porch in a rocking chair, I on his lap, wrapped up in a blanket he’d knitted from wool he spun from the neighbor’s sheep. We watched the sun rise and he said, ‘I wonder if the sun knows how lucky he is to shine on your beautiful face every day’. A single tear marked his cheek.”

  • “This morning, after our passionate and tender lovemaking, Bon Iver brought me fresh-brewed coffee in a mug he’d carved out of the branch of a tree that fell in the wind. I sipped it while he hummed and assembled his ice-fishing gear.”

  • “Today Bon Iver wrapped me in his flannel, which smelled like charred pine and licorice, and took me outside to show me a perfect spiderweb.”

  • “Bon Iver found a bird with a broken leg. He brought it inside, and he kissed me, and now he’s making a tiny splint. He named the bird ‘Little Love’.”

  • “Bon Iver and Ryan Gosling went for a walk around the pond. They each brought me a present. Ryan brought me a pretty rock. Bon Iver brought me the clean skull of a tiny animal, perfectly preserved.”

  • “Last night we took a bottle of local wine to our goat field, spread out a blanket and made love under the stars. Bon Iver knows all the constellations and all the Native American myths.”

Check ’em all out at

PREVIOUSLY: Sufjan erotica by Gabe Videogum!

Comments (11)
  1. 40 minutes of cunnilingus from Bon Iver? Like, the whole band? That’s like 4 minutes per. Big deal.

  2. I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t the greatest thing ever to avoid judgement. It’s incredible.

  3. reading these makes me feel michael_ ‘ed

  4. file:///Users/stevefranks/Desktop/tumblr/gifs/facecoveredstefon.gif

  5. Yeah this is bizarre group sex erotica…many many men…

    The whole band AND Ryan Gosling??

    • In Gosling’s defense, he only brought a rock (unless that’s a sexual metaphor that I missed). I think Bon Iver are like Voltron, because this bitch was all wrapped up in “his” flannel. Why licorice? I’ll as again: Why licorice?

  6. semi-topical, my fave tumblr — dedicated to the huge egos of massive rock stars:

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