I did a lot of dumb things in ninth grade, but maybe the single dumbest thing — the one that makes me feel guilty and embarrassed every time I think about it — was when my friends and I blew a bunch of weed-smoke at my friend’s dog during a party, then laughing at the high, terrified dog as he ran all around the basement. Well, some assholes in Switzerland have pushed this type of behavior to its logical extreme — killing two dolphins by giving them a heroin substitute. This happened during a rave at a zoo. I can’t even. More details below.

The Huffington Post reports that some unknown partygoers slipped Buprenorphine, a heroin substitute given to recovering addicts, to dolphins named Shadow and Chelmers. To breathe, dolphins have to make the conscious decision to surface, and the drug messed with their brains to the point where they couldn’t effectively function, giving them slow and painful deaths.

This happened during a weekend-long rave at Connyland Zoo in Lipperswil, Switzerland. This raises some deeply puzzling questions. Like: Who the fuck throws a rave at a zoo? And didn’t anyone at the zoo point out that this was a terrible idea? It’s frankly amazing that nobody got eaten by tigers or whatever. The zoo “denies any wrongdoing,” which just confuses me further.

More grisly details are here.

Comments (16)
  1. that is so not cool. why the fuck are dolphins at a rave? thats the end of that.

  2. How is this even a thing? I think the apocalypse is overdue.

  3. depressing dolphin abuse aside, that is the best headline ive ever read

  4. I will abstain from making any hologram comments

  5. dolphins are pussies. if you can’t handle your drugs, stay the fuck home, dolphin morons.

  6. It was an accident man, nobody did it on porpoise.

  7. Seriously, what kind of weird person would ever think to have a concert at a zoo?

    Oh. Right.

  8. The entire dolphin race is offinded by these puns.

  9. at least this proves americans aren’t the dumbest people out there. unless these were americans in switzerland.

  10. At first I thought this was about some obscure DJ called “Two Dolphins,” and now I wish it was. :(

  11. apparently the rave connection is BS; see this post just left at huff-po: “This story ran in the UK a couple of days ago. It has since been updated and vetinary evidence has shown that the Dolphins ingested the drugs less than 24 hours before death.
    The rave occurred two weeks before and was nowhere near the dolphin pool.
    Sensational headline but very misleading.

    A spokesman for the theme park has confirmed that it would have been impossible for anyone attending the rave to have caused the deaths. (Someone with a grudge or animal activists are now suspected) I can’t see the animal activist angle myself-for obvious reasons.”

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