Warning: Emo Haircuts May Fuck Up Your Vision

Doctors: those eye-obscuring emo bangs can give you lazy eye. Behold:

Optometrists Association national executive member Andrew Hogan warned amblyopia — the medical term for lazy eye — could result from obstructed vision caused by hair.

“If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won’t see a lot of detail,” Mr Hogan said.

“And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic.”

(via The Daily Telegraph)

To get it back into layman’s terms, amblyotic = lazy. According to the article, the most damage is done from ages 0-7 (watch out, emo toddlers!) but it can still develop later than that. We’re just trying to help, RubberJohnny!

Comments (81)
  1. Okay, I’ve strapped in for what should be a roller coaster comment thread. May the best RubberJohnny win.

  2. Genius out of Stereogum. This is going to be funny. A bit like this….

  3. More like “Mangled Eye” then, I guess

  4. What kind of monster have you created Stereogum?! Attention will only encourage him.

  5. Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!

  6. What the article left out though is how the hairstyle makes that one eye look, like, so dreamy and deep.

  7. We’ll be praying for you rubberjohnny

  8. I saw this link on twitter and immediately clicked on it. If it wasn’t directly related to rubberjohnny I would have been crushed.

  9. Almighty Jesus.

  10. rubberjohnny0829 Vs. Corban…


  11. When I saw this picture…my day was made.

  12. Did the doctor really use the phrase “a young emo chap”?

  13. this is why i went bald. that and i had to

  14. So THAT’s why he’s so one-eyed.

    • What if he actually only has one eye, and the reason he feels the need to direct slurs at everyone is merely because he is insecure about having one eye?

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  16. Jesus, did you really need to blow up his pic to that size? It’s like his looking into my soul and calling it homophobic slurs.

  17. This is gay. GOLFWANG etc.


  19. now if they only did a study on the effects of lip studs.

  20. Stereogum, I will never, ever forgive you for placing a picture of rubberjohnny on my Facebook feed.

  21. Today, Thursday May 17th, at exactly 9:41 AM, RubJon conquered Stereogum. The war is over, we have been defeated.

  22. But Danforth, released from his piloting and keyed up to a dangerous nervous pitch, could not keep quiet. I felt him turning and wriggling about as he looked back at the terrible receding city, ahead at the cave-riddled, cube-barnacled peaks, sidewise at the bleak sea of snowy, rampart-strewn foothills, and upward at the seething, grotesquely clouded sky. It was then, just as I was trying to steer safely through the pass, that his mad shrieking brought us so close to disaster by shattering my tight hold on myself and causing me to fumble helplessly with the controls for a moment. A second afterward my resolution triumphed and we made the crossing safely – yet I am afraid that Danforth will never be -the same again.

    I have said that Danforth refused to tell me what final horror made him scream out so insanely-a horror which, I feel sadly sure, is mainly responsible for his present breakdown. We had snatches of shouted conversation above the wind’s piping and the engine’s buzzing as we reached the safe side of the range and swooped slowly down toward the camp, but that had mostly to do with the pledges of secrecy we had made as we prepared to leave the nightmare city. Certain things, we had agreed, were not for people to know and discuss lightly-and I would not speak of them now but for the need of heading off that Starkweather-Moore Expedition, and others, at any cost. It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.

    All that Danforth has ever hinted is that the final horror was a mirage. It was not, he declares, anything connected with the cubes and caves of those echoing, vaporous, wormily-honeycombed mountains of madness which we crossed; but a single fantastic, demoniac glimpse, among the churning zenith clouds, of what lay back of those other violet westward mountains which the Old Ones had shunned and feared. It is very probable that the thing was a sheer delusion born of the previous stresses we had passed through, and of the actual though unrecognized mirage of the dead transmontane city experienced near Lake’s camp the day before; but it was so real to Danforth that he suffers from it still.

    He has on rare occasions whispered disjointed and irresponsible things about “The black pit,” “the carven rim,” “the protoShoggoths,” “the windowless solids with five dimensions,” “the nameless cylinder,” “the elder Pharos,” “Yog-Sothoth,” “the primal white jelly,” “the color out of space,” “the wings,” “the eyes in darkness,” “the moon-ladder,” “the original, the eternal, the undying,” and other bizarre conceptions; but when he is fully himself he repudiates all this and attributes it to his curious and macabre reading of earlier years. Danforth, indeed, is known to be among the few who have ever dared go completely through that worm-riddled copy of the Necronomicon kept under lock and key in the college library.

    The higher sky, as we crossed the range, was surely vaporous and disturbed enough; and although I did not see the zenith, I can well imagine that its swirls of ice dust may have taken strange forms. Imagination, knowing how vividly distant scenes can sometimes be reflected, refracted, and magnified by such layers of restless cloud, might easily have supplied the rest – and, of course, Danforth did not hint any of these specific horrors till after his memory had had a chance to draw on his bygone reading. He could never have seen so much in one instantaneous glance.

    At the time, his shrieks were confined to the repetition of a single, mad word of all too obvious source: “Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!”

  23. and thus did rubber johnny accept his status as most high profile in joke ever, one eye staring straight ahead at his bright future, the other leering freakishly at the heavens

  24. The only logical reason i can come up with as to why rubberjohnny hasnt yet commented on this is because he accidentally killed himself by strangling himself during masturbation. Probably with a rubber on his johnny.

  25. RubJon Vs. Pete Wentz for Best Hair Award at Emo-Con 2012.

  26. He’s probably banned again right now. Pounding his fists on his keyboard, screaming in frustration at his inability to reply on his very own thread.

  27. i don’t know how i’ve misse dout on this so far, but, YES. Thank you. This his funny. As Shit.

    Oh, RJ.

  28. I’m disappointed in this thread–I was looking forward to Michael_’s cosmic melt down because someone else aside from him got their avatar up on a post.

  29. One of the Rubberjohnnys was commenting yesterday on another thread, after this post was published…what a strange world we live in now, multiple Rubberjohnnys.

  30. Now the shame of knowing who Rubberjohnny is is starting to sink in. Too much time on the interwebs.

  31. Where is/are RubberJohnny(s)?

    The one time I am looking forward to his comment on a post and we get nothing. :(.

  32. Will the real Rubberjohnny please stand up?

    Hi, my name is. Hi, my name is. Hi, my name is–chikka chikka–Rubberjohnny.

    ……cause it feels so empty without Rubberjohnny?

  33. RubberJohnny never comes when/where he’s wanted.

  34. I hope upon seeing this article there was a spilt second where Michael_ thought RubberJohnny had been given his own Stereogum blog

  35. rubjon 4 prez

  36. curse you stereogum, that eye is staring straight into my soul and making it start to cut.

  37. That’s frightening.

  38. Why is the doctor using terms like “young emo chap” with words like “amblyotic”?

  39. This site is becoming a bit too videogum-ish with the drawn-out inside jokes and too much specific attention to frequent voters. If you agree, give me a downvote and upvote me if you disagree.

  40. Hipster is the new EMO but much worse.

  41. banned again!? i didn’t even do anything!

  42. hey rubberjohnny(: your cute you should text me 419 601 2131

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