Listomania

Ridiculous Gift Guide For Music Fans 2009

Gift Guides help narrow things down a bit, but they’re still just providing you with someone else’s guess work. Try as you might, the holiday season brings plenty of pointless gifts along with its good cheer. It’s not anyone’s fault: Relatives don’t have the time to pay close attention (your aunt will never realize your younger brother was lying when he told her you had a stamp collection), your friends are broke, and you’ve already given your significant other the deluxe edition of Two Suns. With all of those caveats in mind … we came up with a Gift Guide anyway. A Gift Guide For Teh Lulz. This one includes all kinds of music-related weirdness (along with a couple of things that maybe some (weird) folks actually wouldn’t mind owning). We’ve separated the goodies into easy-to-view categories so you have more time to choke back the eggnog.

FOR YOUR GIRLS…
Merriweather Post Pavilion: The T-Shirt

How do you show your bros that you really really really really love AnCo so much you don’t even want to listen to new music again because God has already given the human race The Perfect Album? That’s right, you become the album. We don’t know where to buy this shirt (this gift guide is off to a great start) but you can ask Reverend Green, who took the photo above. The merch looks legit and presumably costs less than Adobe Slabs. Dare you to wear it on Bedford Ave in 2010.

FOR MOM AND DAD…
Weezer Snuggie

You’re no longer amused by the infomercials, but it’s high time you pick a couple up for your parents. We’re glad Rivers is on the mend after last week’s bus crash. Maybe he owes his quick recovery to the fact that he seemed to be wearing one at the time of the accident?

Maybe? Anyway, a blanket with sleeves is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Make sure mom and dad read the directions.

FOR YOUR ANNOYING TWEEN SISTER…
Owl City Adult Onesie

A thousand hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs not included.

FOR YOUR WEIRD UNCLE…
Flaming Lips’ Silver Trembling Fetus Ornament

Wayne plays the part of your weird uncle in this commercial:

Get yours here.

FOR GRANDPA…
LouZoom

The sad parade of gratuitous band iPhone apps marched on this year: Death Cab, Smashing Pumpkins, R.E.M., Daniel Johnston (!) … Even the ubiquitous “I Am T-Pain” lost its novelty appeal after the first day of recording yourself singing “I fucked a mermaid!” How about something useful for a change?

With Lou Zoom, your contacts have never been this beautiful–or this huge and legible! Each name in your contact list expands to the full width of the display, making them easier to select, and allowing you to read your contact info without squinting. No pinching, no panning around–just your contacts, clearer. Dramatically set in Helvetica Neue type, this contemporary take on classic Modernist design turns heads as quickly as it dials phone numbers.

More details at loureed.com. Only $1.99 too. How much were you spend on gramps anyway? (Your grandpa has an iPhone right?) Still, it would’ve been cooler if they figured out an “I’ll Be Your Mirror” app. Or iHeroin.

FOR YOUR SWEETHEART…
Rammstein’s “Love Is There For Everyone” Limited Deluxe Box Set

If you want to add some spice to an intimate relationship, why not pick up a copy of Rammstein’s Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da. What’s in it? (Remember, the collection’s first single was “Pussy” and they ran out of good songs a decade ago…)

The Deluxe Aluminium Suit-Case contains a Special Edition CD, plus a bonus CD, 6 Pink Plastic Dildos, Handcuffs, Lube and much more. I hope to get more details shortly but I know it is a Fantastic item as no expense has been spared because the band cares about its fans.

£199.99.

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If you know other unconventional music Stocking Stuffers (sorry), shout out in the comments. And of course, for those who hate music, Brokencyde’s got it covered (unless you’re an XS).

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