Not generally. Generally they just shape our lives by being arty and so great to listen to while wearing our tight jeans and other stereotypical things of that nature. I mean very specifically, there are some Canadian indie rockers who are literally dispensing life advice by taking over Amy Sedaris’s “Sedaratives” column in the music issue of The Believer. These include Sara Quin, A.C. Newman, and Owen Pallett. Again they’re taking over a space that belongs to Amy Sedaris, so think less “The Ethicist” and more “The Unethicist,” and then check Owen’s response to the Q “Are babies worth the hassle of pregnancy?” submitted by Unwilling Mother:

Dear Unwilling Mother,

This is an excellent question. I don’t have any children, nor am I a woman, so I went to an expert: my mother. She said, “No. The nine months of pregnancy are just the beginning. Once the baby is born, you will lose your identity. Your baby’s birth will also be your death. Not literally, of course, but the death of the vibrant, exciting woman that you’ve spent your whole life working on. You will lose contact with friends. Your writing will suffer. And the so-called ’bliss of parenthood’ is a sham too. You’ll find yourself talking less about your beautiful new infant and more about the weight you’ve gained.”

Thanks, Mom! I love you too.

Owen Pallett, Final Fantasy
Toronto

It’s almost surprising it’s not Final Fantasy that’s his birthname (violin tap simulating rimshot). Up next is A.C. Newman, and with a bandname like the New Pornographers what do you think he’s giving advice about? Well you’re right. It’s cooking.

Dear Sedaratives,
I’m much better at cooking then baking. I’ve heard that people who excel at cooking are right-brained, while bakers tend to be left-brained. Could this be true?
Desperate in the Kitchen
San Francisco, CA

Dear Desperate,
As far as I know, baking is the same as cooking, isn’t it? Isn’t baking a form of cooking? Am I alone on this one? This is a trick question. There is no logical answer. Who put you up to this? Was it my wife? You know, I don’t cook because I can’t cook. It is not laziness. Is the world a better place if I fill it with my shitty cooking?

A.C. Newman, The New Pornographers
Vancouver

You can read Sara’s at The Believer site, but for the rest of the Canucks — the Weakerthans’ John K. Samson, Hot Hot Heat’s Steve Bays, Barenaked Ladies’ Steven Page — you’ll just have to pick up the music issue at the book store. But whatever, it’s totally worth it: This way you can read Brandon’s 20 page black metal piece! Check an excerpt here. Is it a conflict of interest for me to say it is fucking awesome? Because it is.

Comments (12)
  1. Rizzd  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2008 0

    You know who’s a really cool band is Noah and the Whale, they’re like a folky Smiths. Check ‘em out, myspace.com/noahandthewhale

    • whoa  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 0

      if you are in the band that’s lame, but seeing as I know this band and they are semi popular in the UK i’m guessing it’s some lame “street teaming”

  2. Amy  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2008 0

    isn’t it Sara Quin who posted? (Granted, she was writing about Tegan.)

    • indeed! apparently i have a hard time telling them apart even when they write (i actually do no have a hard time telling them apart, this is just a joke to flesh out my “fixed, thanks” comment). fixed, thanks.

  3. hey guys, just heard this new band, Noah and the Whale.

    im sorry to say they are not very good.

    other than that, Canada knows life. It’s our Motto

    • whoa  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 0

      i stupidly just took a listen. terrible shit. Can’t believe that a major thinks they can make money off of that shit

  4. frakking canadians…always trying to tell people how to live, they think they’re so much better than everyone else with their white snow and their “eh” and what not…pfft….pfft.

  5. SP  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 0

    Canada is the greatest, best nation God has ever given Man on the face of the Earth! Suck it Sean Hannity!

  6. a canadian cooking student  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 0

    baking and cooking are different. baking is much more exact (esp in yeast leavened products). bread won’t turn out if the routine of needing, lefting it rest, needing it and then proofing it is off. cooking is more spontaneous and creative, recipes are more like guidelines, you can exeriment much more. so I guess the left brain/right brain thing makes sense, never heard it be before… I love new porn

  7. annie onymous  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2008 0

    next thing you know the arcade fire is gonna tell me who i have to vote for or something…

  8. Noah and the Whale is OK and all but LAURA MARLING is where it’s at.

    I don’t know how they are related to Canadian Indie though.

  9. Ross  |   Posted on Jul 7th, 2008 0

    I thought telling us how to live our lives was the job of British rock bands?

    Canadian indie is the new Britrock. Think about it.

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