Fiona Apple

Apparently, making the best album of the year isn’t enough to keep you from getting the bad kind of attention. When Fiona Apple was arrested for drug possession last week, her name popped up on a lot of gossip sites, and it hasn’t left even as her usual touring schedule has resumed; her weight and appearance have been subjects of quite a few clickbait articles. And at a show in Clearwater, Florida on Saturday night, Apple clapped back at all that stuff in an utterly endearing eight-minute ramble, delivered while sitting crisscross applesauce on the edge of the stage. She started out by apologizing for talking shit about the Texan cops who jailed her, and then went on to make larger points about the way certain corners of the internet have portrayed her. Below, read some of those comments and watch a fan-made video.

I have so much that I’d like to respond to about the millions and millions of articles that I have shamefully — I’ve given away my computer because I cannot do it anymore. I’m trying to keep track of all the fuckin’ things that are said, but I can’t do it, so whoever’s going to write about me, go ahead. I’m not going to read it. But Perez Hilton, I should never have seen this, but to hire experts to comment and say that I am sick is totally, totally irresponsible and dangerous. And you should know better, and so should everybody that’s talking about me like that. Because if I am sick, then I don’t know it. And if I find out, then you’re going to feel real bad.

And I’m not on any drugs. I had some bourbon before I came out here. I’ve always been honest. Why would I be dishonest about anything. I just want to say, though: I realize that it’s hopeless and ridiculous for me to ask this. But Perez Hilton, TMZ, whoever you represent, I’m not invulnerable to this stuff. I’ve been around for many years, but it hurts. I spent all of yesterday — I don’t need to hear that I’m 98 years old just because I didn’t have a facelift in the last seven years. I’m fuckin’ losing weight because I’m having trouble digesting food because your guts are connected to your brain. I have a lot of stress in my brain.

So lay off of that stuff because it hurts my feelings. If for no other reason, that should be a good enough reason. Stop hurting people’s feelings. Stop bullying people because you were bullied. I know that’s not what you are. It can’t be. I hope it’s not. Anyway, please stop hurting my feelings because it really fucking bothers me. It really, really does, seriously, seriously. Please stop. It doesn’t matter what I look like.

(via Pitchfork)

And later in the show, she said, “And another thing: Don’t call me frail, everybody. I’ll beat the hell out of you.”

Comments (31)
  1. good for her, even if shes a little gaunt, dissecting her in the media isn’t gonna help.

  2. Clickbait is right!

  3. I’d like to seize on this opportunity to take a giant shit on Perez Hilton.

    Perez Hilton is absolutely the worst. First he stirs the pot on the whole “tactless but innocuous Stevie Wonder comment” thing, now this.

    Stop being an asshole, Perez. You can’t get away with being a douche just because you’re all twee and flamboyant. I have plenty of flamboyant twee friends, and they’re not douches.

    I’ve got a one way ticket back home to Giant Douche Island, and it’s got your name on it, douche.

    • Good looks. His first offense was really building a media empire based on being mean, shallow and bereft though.

      Gotta love how when he became famous he lost some weight, whitened his teeth and claimed “activist.” God I fucking hate that guy, pure bottom-of-the-barrel humanity.

  4. She should release a live album solely comprised of between song banter. Call it “Fiona Comes Alive and is Pissed About Something,” maybe? It would, of course, be a double album.

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • wow, provocative dude.

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        • only to people like you

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          • yeah, they only study fionna apple in sociology class at contentious jerkface university.

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          • ouch, i’m gonna go rethink my life.

          • And for what it’s worth, I don’t particularly like Fionna Apple that much. The reason I got in to it with you is that I don’t think there’s anything more counterproductive than people throwing stones at artists trying to make a living. We shouldn’t be talking about Fionna being a “rich white girl”, we shouldn’t be talking about her gender, race, or income level at all. If that effects the way you hear the music then fine.

            I would take just as much issue with Perez Hilton going off on Kelly Rowland for being too skinny and unhealthy when he’s got no business doing so (he wouldn’t because she’s not really relevant at the moment).

            This is not about privilege, it’s not about race, it’s about people with nothing better to do complaining about something that has nothing to do with them.

            I’m gonna go listen to some music.

          • Those are all good points, Kevin. But I’m still a little unclear if Fiona Apple is white or not. I need to know for my sociology paper.

          • @herpderp: “Sorry your small mind takes critiques of artists you like personally,”

            By mind, I’m assuming you are talking about one person. If so, you are talking about Kevin. If so, then your argument is false considering the fact that your “criticism” was hurled toward the people supporting the so called “indie” darling.

            I guess you should take logic along with your sociology class. That way, you’d actually end up making sense. :)

      • herpderp trolls everywhere. It’s just his nature.

    • herpderp: “Am i supposed to feel sorry for Rich White Girl?#bitter.”

      Try feeling sorry for yourself first. Sociology, after all, teaches you to know your place. :)

  6. I heard she ended the rant with “…FOR GOD’S SAKE MICHAEL HANNA!!!!”

  7. “Don’t call me frail, Everybody. I will beat the hell out of you”.


  8. If you’re a woman, and you get legitimately famous for doing something well, the media will never, ever forgive you.

  9. when are people going to realize that perez hilton is andrew cunanan with a blog? he’s a fuckin’ tourist that d-listers welcomed to the city so that they could get free publicity and now he’s famous for doing less than any of the kardashians. stop reading his shit, don’t follow him on twitter, and hopefully the planet will rid of him and those like him who ride off other people’s celebrity to make a name for themselves.

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  11. The girl was caught with hash. Isn’t anyone familiar with the substance? Similar in effects to marijuana, so I don’t see any connection between smoking and looking “gaunt” or whatever. She’s always been skinny, and dropping a new album and going on her first big tour in a while may understandably cause some weight loss and “gaunt” looking-ness.

    I think hash is more like to cause you to put on a few pounds, because of its affect on your appetite.

    “KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, But his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can’t find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.” – The Chief

  12. I want to hug her.

  13. pro fiona apple

  14. Fiona’s sexyness just went up 10 notches.

  15. I feel for Fiona, sucks to be shit on for something that may or may not be true. But she should know never to publicly address it, it only brings more attention to it.

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