Once upon a time Slayer was a legit scary band — not a cartoon or an ironic pose, but a genuinely dangerous, disquieting group with fucked-up allegiances and ideas, who made insanely brutal and blood-raising music. Looking at ‘em today, it’s actually kinda weird that their music has remained pretty uncompromising, because everything else about their public image seems so goddamned lame. Case in point: Slayer’s “official” Christmas jumper, which will run you $80 at their merch site. (It’s actually sold out already, so you’ll probably have to drop like three bills on eBay to get the thing.)
I shouldn’t hate — we talk all the time about bands having to find new ways to make money, so if Slayer fans will pony up for a goofy novelty item, more power to both parties. And I won’t lie — I’ve got a “Christmas sweater required” holiday party coming up in a few weeks, and when I saw this thing, I was like, “That’s a Christmas sweater I might actually wear.” (Honestly it’s pretty badass just as a garment IMO.) But even if I bought the thing, I’d be too embarrassed to wear it in public, and the point is moot because all the fanboys snatched it up before I could. Guess I’m wearing my Tombs hoodie to the Xmas shindig. Again.