Coachella 2013 Line-Up Not Revealed

The Rolling Stones aren’t the only ones spreading subterfuge regarding Coachella 2013. Making the rounds today is the season’s first genuinely compelling fake Coachella lineup poster. (Kinda late, too — fake 2012 lineups were circulating as early as December 19, 2012. Raise your game, slackers!) This year’s fake lineup is a total must-see: Daft Punk, Bowie, the Knife, Blur, the Replacements, Fiona Apple, Phoenix … And it’s a pretty decent forgery, largely because a bunch of the bands listed here definitely will be on the actual bill.

Who won’t? Well, David BRYNE for starters. Also? FISHERspooner. And Totally ENOURMOUS Extinct Dinosaurs. Beyond the shoddy copyediting, realistically, there’s no way the Avalanches are coming out of hiding by April. Sorry!

Peep for yourself, find more things that are Wrong With This Picture, and let’s start running down some of the bands that should be on this bill when it drops for real.

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Comments (51)
  1. Jack’s Mannequin doesn’t even exist any more

  2. These are always fun. I had enough fake Coachella 2013 posters to print out and make for Christmas wrapping of a big box.

    What’s wrong? For me, it’s always the font size giveaway. Even though that Alex Clare guy has one hit, his name would be in larger font because LA radio plays the shit out of him (He’s basically this years dub version of James Blunt back in ’06, huh?) Local Natives would be in bigger font, too, as would Earl Sweatshirt. Danzig Legacy’s font would have to suit Danzig’s ego. RHCP’s reunion would get bigger font, just for reunion advertisement’s sakes a la DFA1979 back in 2011 even though they played the main stage in the late afternoon.

    It’s always cute when whoever made the poster puts a “the” before every one-word band (i.e. “the” Eels.) Surfer Blood — Aren’t they shunned from the indie world now considering one of its main members beat his America’s Next Top Model girlfriend?

    Who should be on? Maybe I’m asking for too much considering last year was basically a mecca for post-hardcore reunions and other punk / noise bands playing, but I’d like to see CEREMONY since they had a good 2012. And durrr, Dropkick Murphys.

    I wasn’t planning on going because I didn’t get pre-sale tickets, but now I kind of want to : |

    • Not RHCP, I meant RFTC.

    • Bad Religion would make a great So Cal legacy punk band addition as well, with their new album coming out and them never having played before.

    • AlanaGeorge… Is that Alanis Morrissette’s new electronic project?

      • Hyped up ‘British new wave of pop’ act. Their EP and single were one of the most acclaimed in its categories last year. Not bad really, as long as catchy pop songs go, but nothing really outstanding either. They remind me of La Roux or Little Boots – will likely release an album and then fade into oblivion.

        • Yeah, heard a few songs by them in passing, but I was more referring to the fact that their name is actually AlunaGeorge and the fake poster says “AlanAGeorge.” It reminded me of when she was on You Can’t Do that On Television.

    • Was John Paul Pitts’ former girlfriend on ANTM or are you thinking of Elyse Sewell who was ANTM and former girlfriend of Marty Crandall of The Shins?

      • Oh shoot, you’re right — I got the two mixed up, which actually makes it pretty sad that there were two cases of domestic assault at the hand’s of a successful sunny indie rock band member.

  3. Primus 3-D. That is all.

  4. Stone Roses and Replacements… bold it. Bold it more. Hell, underline it. In 3-D.

  5. I’m amused by this fake line-up like these guys!

  6. Well, I’d fly out there solely for the Mats if they played

  7. From the rooftop shout it out: baby, I’m ready to go… see Republica at fake Coachella 2013!!!!

  8. Fake concert posters = not news worth reporting

  9. 3030, way past the millenium!
    Need new Deltron!!!

  10. … David Bryne?

  11. Good lord I would love it if the Avalanches did manage to come out of hiding. C’mon lawyers, clear those samples!

  12. Haha. I love how they threw in KMFDM

  13. While not the ‘Mats themselves, I have heard from someone who has been reliable in the past that the Paul Westerberg rumor has some truth to it.

  14. I read somewhere that Daft Punk is indeed working on a new album, but have absolutely no plans to tour in 2013. That being said, I might still buy a Coachella ticket just in case. Because next to Jimi Hendrix rising from the dead and going on tour, Daft Punk is easily on top of my list of live acts I want to see.

  15. It might be fake but it’s going to be pretty freaking close.

  16. SUNN-O)))!!!!! This SHOULD happen.

  17. Os Mutantes? Have they done anything since the 60s?

  18. I’d fly across the across the country to see Blur play at Coachella. But this is fake…and now I’m sad.

    • blur has a bunch of other festival dates listed on their website so I was thinking they would play Coachella this year as well (fits their schedule, don’t think they’ve played any US reunion dates, if not now then when?). If they do, I hope they schedule a few North American warm-up dates like Pulp did last year. Here’s hoping!

  19. Not enough indie acts especially in smaller fonts. They nailed some obvious but there is a ton of misses. Sound City Players headlning? Goldenvoice isn’t that clueless and where is Beach House?

  20. Saturday: A bunch of semi-obscure DJs in bold. 2 Chainz in the smallest possible font.

  21. Karmin? really?

  22. That DOOMStarks would also be in such small font has to be a dead giveaway.

  23. The Prodigy would actually be an interesting dance tent closer, or maybe even a main stage closer. Have they ever played Coachella? I don’t think they have. Certainly most bands would not want to go after them, but it doesn’t really matter, because they won’t be there.

    Ugh. It’s hurting my head trying to pick out all the yays and nays and put them in the right place. Mostly, that’s what is wrong with this list. The order is just all kinds of out of whack.

  24. So a guy with Photoshop and an inability to proofread is news worthy? What the fuck is this? So does that mean we all can go fake a line-up and get a story? I want to, I need to brush up on my shoppin’ anyway.

  25. Even fake Coachella announcements have given up on The Smiths reunion.

  26. No Hologram John Lennon? Bullshit!

  27. lol, Primus in 3D that is hilarious

  28. Whoever made this fake list certainly doesn’t like hip hop. No ASAP? No Kendrick? No KRIT, Bronson or Joey Badass?

  29. No Bowie, No Daft Punk, No Rolling Stones..

  30. I found another typo; The Replacements should be spelled “Paul Westerberg and Tommy Stinson.”

  31. is Primus 3D really a thing because that sounds fucking rad

  32. There is no way FF are playing coachella this year

  33. this can’t be real. bloc party forgot how to play music.

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