Shut Up, Dude

This week we welcomed the return of David Bowie, who will release a new album in March. Too bad he won’t play Coachella, even though someone wants us to think he will. We also ranked the Smiths discography; reviewed albums from Yo La Tengo, Christopher Owens, and Dropkick Murphys; and heard new songs from Iceage, Devendra Banhart, and Destiny’s Child. We looked at the 10 weirdest Joy Division crafts on Etsy and listed the Walkmen’s 10 best songs. Plus, Willow Smith sampled Radiohead and Radiohead’s publishing company scrubbed it from the Internet. Those are the stories you were most chatty about this week. Relive the best and worst contributions to those discussions below.

THIS WEEK’S 10 HIGHEST RATED COMMENTS

#10 Zygmunt | Jan 7th Score:15

I once got rejected as a blood donor for being too positive.

Posted in: M.I.A.’s Matangi Rejected By Label For Being “Too Positive”
#9 spennyb | Jan 8th Score:17

It wasn’t a phrase of speech in this case, Scott literally fucks that song on a regular basis

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details
#8 raptor jesus | Jan 4th Score:17

2013 begins with Joe Howse having the #1 comment of the first Shut Up, Dude this year.

That is clearly a good omen.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#7

Nick Degel | Jan 7th Score:18

“Queen: Greatest Hits” is my favorite Queen album

Posted in: The Smiths Albums From Worst To Best
#6

David Mania Worthington | Jan 9th Score:19

Before everyone gets too snarky, imagine yourself as a young teenager once again. It’d be pretty cool to find yourself listening to Willow and falling into the Radiohead rabbit hole because of it.

Posted in: Hear Willow Smith Sample Radiohead
#5 donnytilla | Jan 8th Score:19

Guys, I haven’t listened to the album. I probably will, at some point. But there’s something I really need to get off my chest and this just felt like this is the place to do it.

I am really offended by the Charmin toilet paper slogan “Enjoy the go.” This video explains what they mean:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=028cCeHunNc

Basically they say that coffee and spicy food gives you diarrhea. Obvs – this is a given. We all know this. But to say that soft toilet paper will help us to “enjoy the go” when you’re having explosive diarrhea is just a flat out misleading, disgusting, and downright DEROGATORY lie. And I’m sick of it. Sick of this.

Let’s get real for a minute here: when we’ve had 1 million cups of coffee or some curry or something, downtown gets burned. it’s just the natural reaction of the poo coming out too soon – it doesn’t have time to cool in the colon (is this true?). The last thing I want to do is put some rough paper on my 3rd degree bum burns (B-burns). What do we really want? The cool touch of some an angel’s moisturizing cloth.

Let’s get even realer about this: why are we using dry paper at all? The toilet paper game has seen the least innovation of any product since toothpicks. What’s happened since we made the jump from corncobs in the outhouse to paper? “Cashmere”? “Give me a break” (John Stossel). At the end of the day, it’s paper. What are we? Animals?

“Oh no I pooped on the floor!” “That’s okay – here’s some loose leaf for it” – Analogy

It’s time for change. We need innovation in order to push forward into the next century of hygiene and toward a better, cleaner tomorrow. When i’ve got a real train wreck of a “backdoor situash,” it takes me a rainforest to clean it up and get all the pieces. It takes a rainforest. Then there’s b-burns. Why not use a wipe with some moisture to clean it up quick? Lickity split. No shit.

Thanks,
D “Concerned Consumer” Tatas

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Christopher Owens Lysandre
#4 shuffles | Jan 9th Score:20
Posted in: Hear Willow Smith Sample Radiohead
#3 micahrophone | Jan 8th Score:25

Yes, I am just as sick of “Call Me Maybe” references as the average person, but it felt wrong to not share this.

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details
#1

Kyle Culbert | Jan 8th Score:38

I hate the internet.

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details

THIS WEEK’S 5 LOWEST RATED COMMENTS

#5

Rahbrrt Kahtinn | Jan 7th Score:-8

I’ll wait for the postmature evaluation.

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Yo La Tengo Fade
#4 thomasbrownester | Jan 8th Score:-9

It’s good to see there’s some people out there with the balls to admit how awful this song and video are.

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details
#3 copy_paster_cat | Jan 5th Score:-9

what a moron but it’s ice for him and his pal Jon to offer left-leaning college aged Merican male audience to circlejerk four times a week before bedtime.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#2

Tim Curtin | Jan 5th Score:-10

so, so many paragraphs

Posted in: Stream Skrillex Leaving EP
#1 copy_paster_cat | Jan 8th Score:-11

I should say that I’m not a fan of his post-Scary Monsters work (Let’s Dance and all the 90s and 00s stuff). I guess this song is stylistically from Bowie 3.0 (1.0 is his pop classics and 2.0 is from Statio nto Station to Scary Monsters) and you should like those record to get into this song but…

You can accuse me in another deliberate downvote train-trolling post but seriously. this is so awful and dull. Look at this cringeworthy CGI video, and that album cover? REALLY? White square over Heroes – this is maybe the stupidiest thing ever… or maybe not. Still looks like uninspired cash-in. If you seriously was so desperate to get into BBC Radio 2 hot rotation again, you could just release some cheesy xmas single, David… If ever a man needed to get back ON drugs, it’s David Bowie.

Dull.

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR’S CHOICE (SCOTT)

crania americana | Jan 10th Score:2

From the rooftop shout it out: baby, I’m ready to go… see Republica at fake Coachella 2013!!!!

Posted in: Coachella 2013 Line-Up Not Revealed

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR’S CHOICE (AMRIT)

youblueyou | Jan 10th Score:6

Even fake Coachella announcements have given up on The Smiths reunion.

Posted in: Coachella 2013 Line-Up Not Revealed
 
Comments (57)
  1. Another mention. The weight of my sterogum comment section fame has become too great, I’m going into seclusion. I’ll start working on my next comment in five years and you can all see it in seven.

  2. Friends, I’m having a rough day today. raptor jesus is feeling more like a bummersaurous rex.

    I woke up to see Pitchfork’s tweet about “David Bowie never touring again ever” and I’m surprised I even got out of bed today.

    You see, as a bit of a joke I would tell people the reason I was still alive was because I hadn’t seen David Bowie in concert. I told an ex-girlfriend that the one thought that kept me going in this life was knowing I’d get to sing along with David Bowie live to some of my favorite songs. Even though I knew his return to the stage wouldn’t be anytime soon, I held out hope. Surely it would happen someday while I was still living…

    But now this. I’m pretty crushed and need some friendly support from my best music friends. Is there anything left on this planet to look forward to?

  3. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Sadly, you’ll fit in here just fine.

    • Shouldn’t you be all duded up for Saturday night? Where’s Gee Man?

    • Ignoring that ridiculous claim, but I guess it’s sort of related, and something that I’ve put some time into thinking about:

      Who wins the 70′s, Neil Young or David Bowie?

      It’s tough because they each had a ridiculous number of classics over that decade, and in so many different styles. Neil Young has my favorite album of either of them with Rust Never Sleeps, but I don’t know.

      • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

      • I’m pretty sure Led Zeppelin wins the 70′s. I know the first two albums came out in ’69 but still.

        • They kicked off the 70s with “Immigrant Song”

          *woosh* go the panties.

        • oh shit, I never even thought about Zeppelin, or Sabbath, or Floyd. Sabbath didn’t do as well after 72, but coming out with Black Sabbath, Paranoid, and Master of Reality within the same 2 years in 70 & 71 is fantastic.

          the only thing going against Zeppelin is that they put out their last great album in 75, which is way early. I was thinking about Bowie & Young because they made an impact throughout the decade.

          • If you are going to consider consistent greatness throughout the decade I think Bowie has the edge, but personally I can’t put anyone over Zeppelin in the 70′s.

          • I think the real reason I was thinking of Bowie and Young is because their decades feel sort of parallel:
            -they both made a crazy amount of albums in all sorts of different styles: proto-punk, glam, krautrock, folk, etc.
            -they each have a loosely defined album trilogy: the “ditch” trilogy for Young, the Berlin trilogy for Bowie
            -probably some other things

        • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

      • The Clash, Ramones, and Sex Pistols win the 70′s!!! Maybe Television too! It’s kind of crazy that’s all the same decade.

        • Yknow… I’m gonna rescind The Pistols from the list, seems stupid to compare em to the bands you guys mentioned in terms of output, and I guess The Clash, Television, and The Ramones really ruled late 70′s. I’m gonna throw in Return To Forever as an outlier.

          I’d say the bands y’alls brought up, as well as maybe The Doors, are universally loved and killed it in the 70′s. I doubt you’d get many people who lived through the 70′s to be like, “Heavy shit man, the decade of Television and Return To Forever.”

          In conclusion, Black Sabbath fucking rule.

          • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

          • I’m rockin out to em right now. Blind acceptance is a sign! Of stupid fools who stand in line!

            Speaking of stupid fools, according to almighty allmusic, The Doors were the 60′s pfffff FUCK me lol.

            Alastain Darn or w.e was a great album but I’ve never gotten into Bowie either.

          • annnnnd jesus, Alsatian Darn is a Panda Bear song. Aladdin Sane is the album I was thinking of. And that and Ziggy Stardust are the only real Bowie albums I know, and haven’t listened to him in a long time, so that should make clear how little I’ve gotten into Bowie. I feel like he’s not that accessible but if you give him a bunch of effort it pays off.

            Thanks Stereogum comments section, for letting me once again sort out my musical knowlege and lack thereof.

            In other news, the “Pink Matter” remix sounds like the equivalent of two cold, detached divorcees showing up at their kid’s birthday party. Like 40 seconds where Dre and Big should be like “yo wassup man it’s been a minute” to eachother and instead just some pitched down nonsense in the background. Maybe it’s a step in the right direction to thaw the frozen Outkast mold, but I don’t know. That was a let down.

      • Everyone’s points here are well taken, but for me, Neil Young totally wins the ’70s. Here’s why: After the Gold Rush, Harvest, Time Fades Away, On the Beach, Tonight’s the Night, Zuma, Comes a Time, aaaaaand Rust Never Sleeps?!?!? All of those are stone cold classics. American Stars n’ Bars is also pretty solid. But seriously, averaging a little under one near-perfect album a year? That’s a ridiculous batting average. I would put Neil’s ’70s up there as the best overall decade for any artist, for reals.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. I’ve been commenting on this site for over two years, and I can’t believe that my first ever inclusion in Shut Up, Dude was for an aids joke. Frankly, I’m disappointed. I thought we were better than that. I was wrong.

  6. youblueyou’s comment should’ve gotten more upvotes

  7. Rahbrrt Kahtinn and copy_paster_cat seem to be the new it-couple of the trolliverse.

  8. Tonight I become the proud owner of Talk Talk’s “Laughing Stock” and “Spirit of Eden” on vinyl.

    See you in a couple years…

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