Last month Details landed an interview with Mr. Britney Spears himself, Kevin Federline. About 15 minutes in, Britney “who had finished a workout a bit early” decided to join in. The issue is on newsstands now. What follows are the bites most worthy of your derision.

ON THEIR FIRST MEETING
Kevin: A bunch of us [LFO background dancers] went out one time in a big group. That was when she was starting to get big. She was, like, what, 18? … Shit, a few years down the road, and a couple tours later, I wound up meeting her ass again, and here we are.
Details: You didn’t find her a little hot?
Kevin: No, I wasn’t even really in that mind frame. I just got out of a long relationship, and I felt free for the first time. I was making money — legally. I was doing my part, you know, supporting my ass.

ON K-FED’S SON
Kevin: I have a baby son named Kaleb. [Believe it or not, his full name is Kaleb Michael Jackson Federline.] He’s about 6 months old now. And he’s getting fat, too. Kori was a fat baby too. Man she was just big. She looked like she was gonna be a damn football player.

ON KEVIN HANDLING THE PRESS
Britney: Nothing gets to him … Not my man. And that’s why I married him, because he’s not a shallow motherfucker Hollywood actor-guy.
Kevin: Yeah, baby!
Britney: I’ve met grown men in this business that are a lot older than Kevin and they think I’m this dumb blonde, because I’m quote-Britney Spears-unquote. Men in Hollywood are just — oh, my God, it’s horrible. Babe, am I talking too much?
Kevin: Yeah, go away. [He laughs and hugs her.]
Britney: Is it okay if I stay? I miss you when I’m not with you.
Kevin: I don’t care.
Details: I certainly don’t mind. Unless, of course, you have some reason not to trust the press.
Britney: Ha, ha. I need to create my own magazine. People are just way too obsessed with celebrity. Look at Us Weekly. I think the same guy who does Rolling Stone does Us Weekly. He’s this big old fat man.

ON BRITNEY’S BENJAMINS
Details: People think Kevin is with you for your money.
Kevin: Oh, yeah.
Britney: Well, time will tell, motherchuckers…
Kevin: What you hear about in all those bullshit-ass magazines is bullshit.

ON HAVING KIDS
Britney: When I have kids — I think Celine Dion, the way she does it, with her show in Vegas, is the way to go. Everybody comes to her. When I have kids, I’m so there. That’s what I’m doing: “Come to me, motherfuckers.”

Vegas, Britney? But that would be … cheesy. Also in the interview Kevin reveals plans for a fashion label called Pair A Dice. If you care about that bullshit, pick up the bullshit-ass magazine, motherchuckers!

 
Comments (152)
  1. robb  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Wow. I knew his ass was well read. His ass has a way with words.

  2. Tara  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Oh, Lord. Tell me you added all those “motherfuckers”.

  3. David  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    At what point will heads explode? If this doesn’t do it, I don’t know how much further I can go.

  4. anna  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Did she REALLY say that? If so, they sound like a great match.

  5. carlie  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Those pictures scare me.

  6. fuck, motherfuckers… i have a baby… come to me fuckfaces! Nice…

    Did you guys see this…
    http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20050212/110826234000.html

    KFed is getting into clothing… KFed wifebeaters and cargo pants!

  7. Oh no she didn't  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Shit, a few years back i thuoght her ass had it made. A couple of tours later, she’s as low as one can go

  8. WTF  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Dude, this was posted about 10 days ago in USA TODAY.

  9. amy  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    motherfuckers, that was fucking the best interview ever. I mean he is one sexy motherfucker. How was he able to sit for an interview, what with his 12 inch chicken getting in the way.

  10. Kevin seems like a laid back, mellow sort of chap.

  11. prancer  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    The USA article didn’t include any of these quotes!! these excerps are so much better

  12. wendy  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    simply stunning

  13. matthw  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Holy motherchuckers! I shouldn’t be surprised how dumb he is, but I am. That is some serious-ass dumb.

  14. jjj  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    so…out of a long-term relationship, not interested in young Britney. in a long-term, two-child relationship, free to date rich Britney. he’s complex!

  15. mea  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    I think I saw this episode of COPS. Except Kevin was getting arrested and Britney (barefoot) was trying save “her man”.

  16. mea  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    I think I saw this episode of COPS. Except Kevin was getting arrested and Britney (barefoot) was trying save “her man”.

  17. OK. My friend at Details promised me they had to airbrush out the Federline’s beer gut for the full-body pics. And that’s no bullshit-ass bullshit.

  18. MOTHERCHUCKERS!

  19. Justin  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    I think this proves that these two are hyper-intelligent and simply screwing around with the public’s perception of them as a white trash couple.

    I mean, that’s the only reasonable explanation, right? People can’t actually sound that trashy in reality…right?

  20. chels  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    *speechless*
    “yea, motherfuckers… I’mma pop out babies left and right — Then ya’ll can come to me. Help me support my Red bull-chugging, Cheeto-scrafing, Malboro-sucking, Madonna-necking ass… UH! B-Spizzle OUT”

  21. eliza  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Actually Stereogum, I think the name of the clothing label is “A Pair A Dice.” Whatever that means…

  22. Toots McGill  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Why, I am amazed at Young Kevin’s level of scholarship! Harvard should be knocking at his door this very minute!

  23. guidomom  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Umm- someone needs to call Britney ASAP and clue her in to the one little bit of information she’s missing. Celine Dion can sing. Love her or hate her- girlfriend can carry a tune. Britney, not so much.

  24. NM  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    The Clothing co “A Pair A Dice” is probably referencing the love-birds matching dice tattoos. Hers is Pink, his is blue. BARF!

  25. q. bee  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Both Kevin & Britney are real pathetic. Distasteful…

  26. q. bee  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Both Kevin & Britney are real pathetic. Distasteful…

  27. Nick  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    So his son’s nickname is Kaleb but his REAL name is Kabel? Isn’t Kabel Italian slang for “child born to D-List sitcom actress and trailer trash dad with a bimbo Vegas househo”? Someone told me it was

  28. elliefromthablock  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    i love how k.fed’s response to the details question about being a gold-digger is a simple “oh, yeah” lol as if he forgot!

  29. EC  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    yeah, and real nice way to ingratiate yourself to your fans–by calling them “motherfuckers”

  30. jenny  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    disturbing things in these excerpts:
    – the middle name for Kevin’s son is Michael Jackson
    – Kevin was once a back-up dancer for LFO [how desperate do you have to be to dance with LFO?]
    – Motherchuckers? I think the correct use of that word in a sentence would be “Ick…Kevin’s skanky ass makes me want to motherchuckers.”

  31. amazed  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    “I think the same guy who does Rolling Stone does Us Weekly. He’s this big old fat man.”

    Do you think Jann Wenner now regrets tormenting me with endless covers of Britney on Rolling Stone?

    I hope he does.

  32. pippincat  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    It’s nice to see that someone so gung-ho about becoming a mommy is trying to clean up her language, motherfuckers. Think of the children, won’t someone think of the children??!?!?!

    ….. or at least Bit Bit?

  33. Somersault  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    I couldnt read past the 3rd question.. urge to “motherfucking” vomit was too great.

  34. megwal  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Paradise is a pair of dice.

  35. J.T.  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Wow. Kevvie’s vernacular makes George Plimpton sound like Helen Keller.

  36. She just keeps going downhill faster and faster…with Kevin pushing her at top speed and holding her signed assets in his hand.

    Just curiously- does anyone know how did he make the money illegally before?

  37. Aleeshles  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Does anybody remember when Britney’s mic was accidentally turned on backstage at the Rock in Rio festival (I think that’s what it was called)? This was about 4 years ago. It was a “scandal” because she let off this endless stream of obscenities. But now… I guess there’s no disguising that that’s just who she is.

  38. megwal  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Excellent metaphor, JT.

  39. Fascinating. Britney Spears is a genuine entertainer.

  40. Janine  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Monster, early word was that K-Fed was Britney’s drug dealer.

  41. wait, the guy who makes Rolling Stone *isn’t* the guy in charge of US Weakly?

  42. dsp  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    anyone whoever has eaten cheetos or smoked cigs in thi sphere please hit your space bar!

  43. tt  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Yeah, I like that ‘illegally’ peppered in there…hehheh. What was he doing illegally?

  44. Bit-Bit  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Those two are truly disgusting. In fact, reading that article made me motherchuck all over my keyboard. If only they could just shut up and drift into obscurity forever… Hey, I can dream, can’t I?

  45. tess  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Why those 2 have to act so low? They can’t even make a sentence without adding some cursing word….I pity their future kids, I mean, what kind of messed up education will they receive? They will be hooked on Red-Bull, junk -food, cigarettes, pills and weed way before they reach age two. Plus the first word they will be able to spell will probably be something tasteful like mother#$%&.
    Britney needs to clean up her act before she even thinks about bringing up children cuz a scrub/escort dad + a crazy/depressed mum is the worst genetic match ever. Those babies would be on Zoloft for life.

  46. yummicoco  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    kev looks brit

  47. WOW! Simply stunning. All K-Fed does for me is give me hope that one day I too may marry a hot popstar, but then ultimately she will go insane.

  48. The Squirrel Master  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Anybody remember this exchange from Scary Movie about the Shannon Elizabeth character:

    BRANDY
    I don’t know why you hang out with
    her. She’s such a ho.

    CINDY
    Why do you say that?

    BRANDY
    Cause I’ve seen her. My friend Sean had
    a pool party this summer.

    CINDY
    Sean?

    BRANDY
    You know, Puff Daddy.

    BRANDY (CONT’D)
    Anyways, everybody was drinking Crystal
    champagne. Then it started to get wild,
    people was getting freaky in the pool and
    stuff. I looked over and there was your
    girl getting buck wild in the Jacuzzi.

    CINDY
    So?

    BRANDY
    With a backup dancer! That’s lower than
    a security guard! At least security can
    get you backstage.

  49. a thought  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    Wrap your minds around this: Maybe Britney is some kind of Cyborg that refuels solely on Red Bull, Cheetos, cigarettes and puppy shit. Communication with the Mother Ship is only possible in public washrooms, with bare soles planted firmly on the piss covered linoleum. (The multiple urine samples act as a data transmitter.) She and her kin are aiming for World domination by first gaining international exposure – and then detrimentally lowering society’s intelligence level and rendering us dangerously submissive to ‘overpowerment’. Clearly, her breasts succesfully accomplished phase one. She’s now on to finalising their mission by polluting our minds and desensitizing us with terrible poetry, dialect & vocabulary – disgusting displays of hygiene – public nudity – severe lack of moral, common and fashion sense – (……………)
    *it all makes sense..

  50. Sam  |   Posted on Feb 16th, 2005 0

    no shes not as low as anyone could go 60 million records sold a grammy for toxic 2 diamond album in the USA one of the few acts who could actually headline arena tour this summer before she busted her knees.

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