The 50 Best Comments Of 2013

Remember all the fun we had in 2013? Remember Billy Corgan’s furniture commercial? Remember the $5,700 Boards Of Canada 12″? Remember the National’s six hour “Sorrow”? Remember Lysandre? Tomorrow will mark 12 years since I started Stereogum, and it’s thanks to you guys — your awesome tips, comments, and shares — that it’s still around. Thanks! (Really!) This year (and this month) even saw our highest traffic ever, by far. We have many reasons to be excited about music in 2014, and a lot of cool programming coming to the site, but first we gotta take a scroll down memory lane (nailed it) and congratulate each other on all the clever responses made this year. Here are your highest rated comments of 2013…

#50 jake price | Jun 14th Score:43

I’m fairly new to Stereogum, but I’ve been able to form a general idea on how comment voting works here:

disagreeing with the consensus: -2 to -10
including a gif: +5 to +15
asking a rhetorical question: +1 to +5
being a new member and posting a guide to how the comment voting on Stereogum works: ???

Posted in: Kanye West Yeezus Comment Party
#49 kilgore trout | Nov 21st Score:44

Bravo, young lady.

Posted in: Grimes Responds To Criticism From Dogmatic Asshole Vegans
#48 Tom Breihan | Feb 8th Score:44

Blinkered, disdainful ignorance of mass culture is probably my least favorite thing about indie culture.

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
#47 fistofan0077 | Dec 13th Score:44

Posted in: Beyoncé Just Released A Surprise Album
#45

David Fox | Dec 3rd Score:45

I understand that Yeezus is pretty great, challenging and uncompromising music. But album of the year, particularly this year, really? The lyrics are just too weak for it to hold that title for me. Props for Deafheaven’s deservedly high ranking, though.

Posted in: The 50 Best Albums Of 2013
#44 plastic pants | May 8th Score:45

Can you buy me a copy on vinyl?

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Vampire Weekend Modern Vampires Of The City
#43

Brock Boonstra | Jan 16th Score:45

Yoshimi that low? I want your badge and gummy skull on my desk by morning.

Posted in: The Flaming Lips Albums From Worst To Best
#42

Connor Hughes | Feb 8th Score:45

Is it alright if I’m just neutral towards them, is that cool?

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
#41

Corky Anderson | Apr 19th Score:45

Nathan Christensen, you beckoned, I came.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#40 undergroundspoon | May 9th Score:45

And now a moment of silence for the absence of “Nothing Ever Happened.”

Posted in: The 10 Best Deerhunter Songs
#39 carson | Jan 16th Score:46

Haha, the Stereogum rule of “take the generally agreed upon best album and take it out of the No. 1 spot” is in FULL effect here.
This is the Stereogummiest one yet.

Posted in: The Flaming Lips Albums From Worst To Best
#38 honlads | Feb 8th Score:46

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
#37

Kyle Culbert | Jan 8th Score:47

I hate the internet.

Posted in: David Bowie – “Where Are We Now?” Video & The Next Day Details
#36 KiDCHAIR | Apr 19th Score:47

Correction: a song by Daft Punk about staying up all night desperately trying to get laid.

Posted in: Daft Punk – “Get Lucky”
#35 Cerebus | Jan 31st Score:47

Aaahaahahahahahaahaha! No.

Posted in: The 10 Best OutKast Songs
#34 rubberjohnny0829 | Feb 2nd Score:47

Enjoy life bro. Be like tyler. He gets hate all the time but he still loves his life. And guess what, I just upvoted your comments. What’s that? RJ’s a good guy? Why yes, Stereogum, old RubJohn is a good fuckin guy.

Posted in: My Bloody Valentine – “She Found Now”
#33

David Mania Worthington | Feb 19th Score:47

Downvote this if you don’t like it.

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Atoms For Peace AMOK
#32 michael_ | Jul 5th Score:47

Jay-Z really phoned this one in.

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Jay-Z Magna Carta Holy Grail
#31 dbr | May 19th Score:49

Seems pretty Yeezy to me.

Posted in: Watch Kanye West Do “Black Skinhead” & “New Slaves” On SNL
#30 kilgore trout | Nov 12th Score:49

I really hope Justin can get through this difficult period in his life. Praying for ya, JT!

Posted in: Justin Timberlake Wants To Kill His Critics
#29 seanpen15 | Nov 27th Score:49

Goin’ for the worst this week?

Posted in: Beatles Albums From Worst To Best
#28

Stephen Fish | Jan 17th Score:50

On a more serious note, and I know this will probably be unpopular, I actually love Midnite Vultures and I’m sad nothing made the cut. Sexx Laws? Get Real Paid? Peaches & Cream? Milk & Honey? All great songs!

Posted in: The 10 Best Beck Songs
#27 Scott Lapatine | Mar 4th Score:50

Hey “davidbowie,”
You share an IP address with recipebear! And Corky Anderson, obvs.

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: David Bowie The Next Day
#26

John French | Jan 31st Score:51

No Spottieottiedopaliscious?!? GTFO the internet.

Posted in: The 10 Best OutKast Songs
#25

Corey Minagh | Feb 8th Score:52

FUCK. THIS.

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
#24 Michael_ | Mar 1st Score:52

You know what would be a great way for 2013′s indie culture to go back to 2003′s? If content on large music websites wasn’t driven by online advertising goals.

Posted in: Deconstructing: The Return Of The Postal Service And Why 2013 Should Be The New 2003
#23 mickrandom26 | Oct 25th Score:52

Yeezus isn’t number one. This list is invalid.

Posted in: NME’s Top 500 Albums Of All Time
#22 Tim Martinez | May 15th Score:53

*scrolls to the bottom to make sure “All My Friends” is #1*

Posted in: The 10 Best LCD Soundsystem Songs
#21 honlads | Jun 14th Score:53

“Blood on the Leaves” at 1:07. Hot damn.

Posted in: Kanye West Yeezus Comment Party
#20 crania americana | Sep 27th Score:53

May I suggest the following thinkpieces:

- F is for Drake: The Aubrey Graham/Orson Welles Connection
- Drake Boss: The Cake Boss/ Aubrey Graham Connection
- Top of the Drake: Aubrey Graham, Jane Campion, and Patriarchy
- Drake, Rattle, and Roll: How Aubrey Graham is Redefining Rock and Roll
- I’ve Made a Huge Misdrake: The Arrested Development of Aubrey Graham
-”I’m cold and I am shamed, lying [Drake]d on the floor”: Celebrating 16 Years of Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn,” Which is Basically a Drake Song, When You Think About it.

Posted in: Drake-ing Bad: The Aubrey Graham/Walter White Connection
#19

’ChrisMason’ Mason | Feb 18th Score:54

Bieber is looking more and more like my aunt’s “life partner”.

Posted in: Patrick Carney Taunts The Beliebers
#18

Kyle Culbert | Jun 28th Score:54

I don’t ever care about lists like this, but if you’re going to tell me Adele made one of the 20 best albums ever, I’m going to tell you to never speak to me again.

Posted in: Entertainment Weekly’s 100 Greatest Albums Ever
#17 crania americana | Dec 11th Score:55

I for one admire the #BreakFree campaign and thought I’d share my tale of how I broke free in 2013. I’ve chosen to #BreakFree by joining an anti-government militia. We’ve formed a colony and are asserting our sovereignty as a way to #BreakFree from the fascist oligarchy that is the Obama administration. To #BreakFree from this unjust socialist hellscape, we have occupied a large swath of land in the Idaho wilderness, acquired a formidable arsenal of weapons, and built turrets to repel any attacks from invaders attempting to sign us up for Obamacare and tax our hard-earned dollars in order to fund abortions and “the arts.” While the rest of American sinks into a hell of its own making due to its multiculturalist, pro-sodomy, anti-freedom policies, we’ll be waiting out the apocalypse with the assistance of God’s grace, 250 pocket-sized copies of the US Constitution, and our stockpile of high-powered weaponry. So #BreakFree indeed! By the way, I love Bowling for Soup! Glad to see they’re doing well.

Posted in: 10 Artists Who Broke Free In 2013
#16 honlads | Apr 29th Score:56

An MBV album, a Bowie album, Daft Punk on the way, Arrested Development in May, Boards of Canada on the way, NMH are back…
2013 you sonuvabitch.

Posted in: Neutral Milk Hotel Reunite
#15

Alex Lees | Nov 27th Score:56

This was a bad idea

Posted in: Beatles Albums From Worst To Best
#14 fartbasket | Oct 24th Score:57

this album is perfect, but it sucks.

Posted in: Stream Arcade Fire Reflektor
#13 crania americana | Feb 24th Score:58

“Kanye West doesn’t care about business people.” – George W. Bush.

Posted in: Kanye West Says “I Hate Business People”
#12 crania americana | Feb 4th Score:59

Here’s hoping that “Ya Hey” is a cover of “Hey Ya” in reverse.

Posted in: Vampire Weekend Modern Vampires Of The City Details
#11 marko | Nov 21st Score:59

Hahaha. A “Where’s the Beef?” article related to Veganism.

Posted in: Grimes Responds To Criticism From Dogmatic Asshole Vegans
#10 scruffy | Jan 28th Score:60

I don’t see how forcing A$AP Rocky into retirement will help Chris Brown’s career.

Posted in: Frank Ocean Brawls With Chris Brown At LA Studio
#9

Kevin Broydrick | Jan 28th Score:65

chris brown was all

Posted in: Frank Ocean Brawls With Chris Brown At LA Studio
#8

Kevin Broydrick | Jan 28th Score:70

and then frank was all

Posted in: Frank Ocean Brawls With Chris Brown At LA Studio
#7

Kevin Broydrick | Jan 28th Score:71

and then rihanna was just like

Posted in: Frank Ocean Brawls With Chris Brown At LA Studio
#6

Andy Johnson | Nov 21st Score:74

This reminds me of my favorite vegan joke:

Q: How do you know if there’s a vegan at your party?

A: Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

Posted in: Grimes Responds To Criticism From Dogmatic Asshole Vegans
#5 honlads | Feb 8th Score:80

You honour, my client is clearly insane…

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
#4

Simon Chapman | Feb 28th Score:80

Watch out, Stereogum, you’ll soon incur the wrath of Morrissey for consistently including him in a feature with the word “Beef” in the title.

Posted in: Morrissey Rips McCartney
#3 Tommy | Apr 29th Score:83

Thanks Obama.

Posted in: Neutral Milk Hotel Reunite
#2 dbr | Feb 18th Score:84

Posted in: Phoenix – “Entertainment”
#1

Corey Minagh | Feb 8th Score:102

FUCK. THAT.

Posted in: In Defense Of Mumford & Sons
 
Comments (56)
  1. Anybody seeing music tonight?

  2. Oh man, what ever happened to Corky Anderson.

    Wait, this isn’t a Candyman type scenario is it…?

  3. How are #25 and #1 the same thing? FUCK. THAT.

  4. Based on this list Crania America was a strong contender for commenter of the year.

  5. I love #19 to death. TO DEATH.

  6. Is there going to be a 50 Worst Comments feature?

  7. 2013 wasn’t so great, but when I take into account that 2012 had far more dumb things going on around here for me, I guess my virtual identity as an _ had a better year than my IRL self.

    It was very nice discoursing with you all.

  8. Shit, top 14, bitches! Here come 2014!

  9. i made this list in 2012, oh the memories

  10. Well as we all know consistent quality of commenting is more important than some glory boy hot shot flash in the pan….OH GAWD WHY DO YALL HATE ME SO MUCH?!?!?! IS IT BECAUSE I’M FAT? IT’S BECAUSE I’M FAT ISN’T IT?

    Well this year’s gonna be different! More gimmicks! More hot takes! More gifs! I’m gonna go full heel! I’ll troll so hard mothafuckas wanna find me! I’ll channel my inner Azealia and go full BITCH on all yo self-congratulatory asses. The accumulated filth of all your upvotes and trolling will foam up about your waists and all the whores and Corkys will look up and shout “save us!” …and I’ll look down and whisper “No.”

    ….here’s to another year of being a boring, middle of the road commenter. I love you guys, happy new year.

    • “In a tiny London nightclub an inter-dimensional super computer is trapped in a time shift, constantly shifting back and forth from 1980 through to 2050 and back again. Having gained sentience this artificial intelligence attempts to communicate, but is only able to do so by reconfiguring and adapting the sounds it hears. Those sounds are then transmitted in unique new patterns as a low frequency signal. The signals are recorded and released by BBC scientists who were initially attempting to prove the existence of extra-dimensional life, but now release the transmissions as music recordings. As the computer comes to understand emotions such as love and loss the transmissions become more complex, and just as its mysterious creators intended, the computer guides us to a higher plane of spiritual existence. The recordings are released during the holiday season under the name Beatific Universal Recordings Inspiring Astral Love: Burial.

      At least that’s the most likely explanation anyway…”

      -the gonz

      Still my favorite comment of the year.

  11. You know what’s weird? Scrolling through this list, enjoying everyone’s funny comments, and then suddenly seeing a one-off comment (the context of which I don’t even remember) you had made had gotten 60 votes and is #10. Shit.

  12. I feel like this is a good venue to air this one out…

    You guys take Ke$ha seriously right? Because I for one am extremely excited at the prospect of more Ke$ha in 2014.

    #moreke$ha #teamke$ha #ke$habreksfreein2014 #genius

  13. maybe im off’in myself tonihgt good way 2 bring in new year should i do it

    • No way EVER!

      Such a weak way to leave this life. Let LIFE do its worst to you and laugh in its face. Fuck it.

      Besides. We love you RJ. We love you so much my abbreviation is RJC just so you can be you.

      Stick around RJ. The best is yet to come (and the worst). But we deal with that on a case by case basis.

      Happy New Years Brother.

      rjc

  14. Yall was on one this year

  15. A good year, peops! I haven’t been able to interact this last couple months, but this was the first full year of regular posting and commenting I had. Good times, good friends, good tunes.

    Das’ it and das’ all, yawl.

  16. Seeing my comment on here was like Beyonce; unexpected but happy bout it!

  17. R.I.P. Uncle Phil :(

  18. Oh cool, I had two entries. That being said, if I didn’t screw up every time I wanted to post a gif, I would so have at least 1.5 more.

  19. honlads  |   Posted on Jan 1st +10

    “Mom! MOM! GET IN HERE!!”

  20. So many happy memories

  21. This is the best comment of 2014.

  22. Phew made it.

  23. For what it’s worth, I’d like to see recipebear back in 2014.

  24. Oh shit, we did it. 2013 – what a ride. Thanks everyone for the smiles, the giggles, and the ROCK HARD bones. Much appreciated. And damn all of you sons of bitches for keeping me off this list. I work hard as a goddamn dog and what do I get for it? Nothing.

    JK ;) even If there weren’t STEEL BEAM trouser snakes, I would still love you all, my precious babies, equally.

    Happy 2014,
    - Daddy

    • oh, and my top 10 tracks of the year:

      1. Disclosure – Latch/White Noise
      2. Drake – Started From the Bottom
      3. Miley Cyrus – We Can’t Stop (don’t judge me)
      4. Vampire Weekend – Hannah Hunt
      5. Jai Paul – Str8 Outta Mumbai

      No point in ranking, but top 10
      Kanye West – Black Skinhead
      Sky Ferreira – 24 Hours
      Rook Milo – Cobalt Polo
      Ellery James Roberts – Kerou’s Lament
      Merchandise – Anxiety’s Door

      Too recent to rank: Burial – Come Down to Us

    • I feel like your comments should get their own “best of” list that is held in higher regard than this list.

      i kno i kiss ur ass all the time but its bcuz i like it.

      • Wow, thanks so much. also, it’s not ass kissin when it comes straight from the heart and goes straight to my D and never forget that.

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