The Black Keys On Colbert

Patrick Carney, famously bespectacled drummer for the Black Keys, has made a habit lately of attacking easy pop targets. First, it was Justin Bieber. Now, it’s Michael Jackson’s retooled-throwaways collection Xscape, which, perhaps not coincidentally, shares a release date this week with the Black Keys’ new album Turn Blue. Here’s Carney telling Rolling Stone what he thinks of Xscape: “Some fucking bullshit that sucks so bad that it took them three years after he died to make it listenable. Like he had to be dead for three years for it to be released.” He also speculates that the album is now out because “L.A. Reid needed a new boat.” He’s a loose cannon! Somebody stop him! In related news, the Black Keys appeared on The Colbert Report for the fourth time last night. Colbert called them “magic vampires,” they shitted directly on Pitchfork, and they played the songs “Fever” and (as an online exclusive) “Turn Blue.” Watch the interview and both performances below.

Turn Blue is out now on Nonesuch. Buy it and help take a stand against posthumous Michael Jackson collections.

Comments (44)
  1. Patrick Carney! What a subversive character! Taking swipes at Pitchfork, Bieber, and Michael Jackson!!
    Carney’s coming out of all this looking like a complete moron.

    • Oh no! Not the sacred trinity of Pitchfork, Bieber, and Michael Jackson! Carney’s coming out of this with increased press and more album sales. OWWWOOOOOOO!

  2. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

    Man, fuck the Black Keys.

      • Because they apparently can’t give an interview without reciting the most boring possible negative comment on that week’s top YouTube music video.

        I would be fine with this sort of transparent marketing tactic if their opinions were remotely interesting. By all means, play the media game and get your pageviews. But to try to stir shit up by saying Nickleback sucks and Justin Bieber is spoiled? Come on.

        • I guess I just don’t share the perspective that most have, that every ‘controversy’ is some marketing scheme by the musician to increase their status. Although, I would be more willing to believe that Rolling Stone was more to blame for stirring the controversy. In other words, I think the media know that if they want some shit talking to increase their page views, than it’s not hard to get it from Carney. So in summary, Carney needs to talk less shit, but I blame the media for blowing the statements out of proportion, I honestly don’t see it as some kind of master plan from the band.

  3. Well, seems like they’ve officially gone entirely up their own asses. Maybe learn how to make a song that isn’t centered around a pilfered blues riff I could think up in 11th grade and then you can act like an asshole.

    • That would be exactly what they attempted with Turn Blue, we can agree or disagree about whether they were successful.

  4. Patrick Carney is a bargain-basement version of the worst record-store geek crank stereotype imaginable.

  5. sd  |   Posted on May 14th +16

    In all fairness, he is right about Xscape. That’s clearly just a cash grab and not any sort of tribute to MJ.

    • Everyone knows that. I don’t need Patrick Carney to tell me. Carney clearly thinks he’s being super edgy and controversial, but he picks the easiest of targets for his dumb rants. That’s the problem here.

      • Sorry for being so negative, but Carney’s attitude really pisses me off.

      • If he’ right, then what’s the problem here? It’s the press that’s making his comments bigger than they need to be, not the comments themselves.

        • Every time Carney says something in public he disparages something. It gets tiresome, no? It’s not like the press are listening to something he said to Dan on the bus. The first Bieber thing was said directly to a TMZ reporter, he’s talking to Rolling Stone about Bieber and the Michael Jackson record, he’s on Colbert talking about Pitchfork… Does he has to stir something every time he opens his mouth?

          • Okay, I can agree with that. He needs to stop talking shit about other musicians. i guess I just don’t see it as him thinking he’s being ‘edgy’. (see discussion below)

      • “And you know what else? FUCK SPAGHETTI!” ~Patrick Carney

        Headline: “Patrick Carney is MADinara about bullshit pasta”

        • Spaghetti is bullshit pasta though! Seriously, it’s the hardest to eat and somehow the most popular, way overrated! give me angel hair any day! Sincerely.

  6. FRX  |   Posted on May 14th 0

    To be fair, Xscape is 87.5% garbage. But ‘Love Never Felt So Good’ is better than anything on this Black Keys record.

  7. Come on Tom, get it together. I can’t believe this garbage. Everyone knows the past tense of “shit” is “shat.”

    In more serious news, I officially can’t stand Carney. The guy either doesn’t realize he’s basically a shallow pop star at this point, or he does and is just desperate for more attention.

  8. Why do we (or I) get so mad at things that are clearly a) out of our (my) control, b) grabs at attention, c) gross one-sided drivel that probably KNOWS it’s one-sided drivel and just wants to stir the pot? I hate the things this guy says SO MUCH because it comes from this stupid place that I wonder is even genuine and yet I fall into the tap over and over again of getting pissed off and communicating that to someone. I guess I just feel immense guilt for caring so much. But at the same time, fuck this guy.

  9. Just be quiet and enjoy your money.

  10. This is the way I see it. Yeah, Carney would probably be better off keeping some of these opinions out of the mass media. But I think they’re sincere (if obvious) opinions. Opinions that most of us probably share. It’s just that he doesn’t really care about trying to hide is opinions. I don’t think he’s just talking shit for the sake of talking shit. I see it as more of a “saying what we’re all thinking” kind of thing. Again, from a PR perspective he would be best to keep these thoughts quieter, but he just doesn’t seem one to care about PR. I don’t think reason enough to “fuck him”.

    • But if he didn’t make comments like this, we wouldn’t have Where’s the Beef. And many media companies would lose out on ad revenue. OWWWOOOOOOO!

    • You don’t think that’s just a disingenuous way to live, though? Or that it’s at all calculated? Where’s the danger in saying what we’re all thinking? If we’re all thinking it, then what risk do you run by saying it out loud? It just APPEARS to be subversive or dangerous because it’s presented that way. But these are popular opinions being touted as novel, anti-establishment, (dare I invoke the “p-word”) punk things to say. If you have to tell someone you don’t fit in with society, you obviously do and are just trying not to DESPERATELY. Their music is not that different from the pop music they disparage (in that it’s poppy and poplar and supported with money) so THIS is the way they’re going to try to distance themselves. And so they “stir the pot” instead of making different and (arguably) more interesting music. So FOR THAT REASON – not only is it “Fuck Patrick Carney” but “Fuck both of them.”

      • I honestly don’t see it as a calculated ‘let’s distance ourselves from the mainstream’ kind of statements. like you said, ‘it just APPEARS to be subversive or dangerous because it’s presented that way.’ I kind of doubt Carney thinks he’s being controversial or subversive. He’s simply voicing his opinions. In other words, I think his biggest crime is his lack of Tact. I would venture to say all the rest of the criticism towards Carney is based more on back-lash to an increasingly popular band.

        • I think we just disagree. I don’t read his comments and think, “He could have put that differently,” or, “Gee there’s got to be a better time/place to say that.” I read them and think that they are calculated attempts at appearing to have sharp edges, thus distancing themselves from their like-it-or-not contemporaries. And I’m not saying this in defense of Bieber or MJ necessarily, as I have no love or hate for the music of either, nor am I on to put down popular bands based solely on their popularity. I think I see his comments for what they are – transparent attempts at “badititude” – but our differing opinions on that alone is why I don’t think this conversation can really continue.

          But I will ask (in general) do you see something wrong with someone (any musician) doing what I claim the Black Keys and Patrick Carney are doing (letting their attitudes speak for or define their music in some way)?

          • Yes, speaking generally, i could see something wrong with a musician behaving in that way. Although when it comes to real world examples, I would think more of artists whose music and performances are disingenuously controversial. I think that’s why i kind of see the Black Keys in a different light. I don’t see their music or performances as trying to push any envelopes, culturally or musically (and I realize that’s a criticism many level against the band). So when Carney makes dumb (if accurate) statements, I think it’s just that. I would expect their music and performances to reflect a contrived controversy if that was really their agenda. But like you said, we simply have different perspectives on this.

  11. Come on, it’s not fair picking fights with dead people (MJ, Bieber, Pitchfork…), not fair at all.

  12. the live version they perform is better than the recording

  13. Is he really insulting Michael Jackson? Sounds more like he’s insulting the people who decided the world needed a “modern” Michael Jackson record made up of songs that were never good enough to make actual Michael Jackson records.

  14. The Pitchfork review was sort of jerky.

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Let’s get one thing straight. The Black Keys are not a crappy band. They are a very good band. I’m not saying you have to like them, and I wouldn’t call them innovative. But they produce some pretty solid music, very good song writing. Just consistently good at what they do.

      • ^This. I’m old enough to remember around the release of “Attack and Release,” people on Stereogum couldn’t praise this band enough.

  16. Yeah its an assholish thing to say, but he’s right… you know that right??

  17. I mean somebody who gets put on TV and is interviewed in magazines should say these things, right? Otherwise Justin Bieber, Pitchfork, and people with financial interests in Michael Jackson’s estate get away with a bunch of shit with no one publicly calling them out on it. I’m sure no one is praising the “new” Michael Jackson album in their reviews, but you know what? It is fucking bullshit that that cash-grab album was put together and released. I’m ok with someone who has the means to be heard saying it, even if he does kind of come off as a Pessimistic Patrick sometimes.

  18. In all fairness to L.A. Reid, boats are so awesome.

  19. And another thing!!! Hitler was HORRIBLE. Such an a-hole. And don’t even get me started on Charles Manson. I know I’m going to catch hell for this but he’s a complete jerk too. OHHHH!!! SATAN, he’s such a dick. I hate that guy.

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