Hell On Earth Discovered In Times Square Guitar Center

Times Square is its own special kind of hell and it recently got a little more nightmare-ish. A 28,000-square-foot “Guitar Center” opened on Thursday right in the heart of NYC’s #1 tourist destination. Now you can pick up your very own guitar right after you’re done getting your picture taken with Elmo or sitting down for a nice meal at Bubba Gump. And you can feel good about yourself for supporting some massive conglomerate instead of one of the struggling small music shops that are in NYC or around wherever you stumbled off the plane from. A Reddit user posted a video from inside and it sounds like a cacophony of demons made by bros who, like, just wanna rock out, man. When your crappy bar band “makes it,” totally make sure you give a little shoutout to the cool cats at Guitar Center for hooking you up real good. Take a peek inside below.

 
Comments (58)
  1. Last year I was in a Guitar Center and Korn was there. I assume they work there now.

    • This deluded Clutter is just one more hurdle that must be conquered by real players. The gross incompetence, amplified to piercing levels, is a persistent insult when all one wishes is strings,
      and a few picks. Or, maybe to have a brief discussion with a knowledgeable sales person. This
      has been the case for decades, including the hallowed, but defunct, ‘Manny’s’. No-talent imbeciles
      trotting out their cesspools of worthless ‘jammin’, man’ is enough to make one ralph, a-plenty. Read
      the forums: idiots talking about buying their 12th guitar, after listing every single one of them for you.

      Unfortunately, they are all posers, incapable of adequately playing anything.

      Pandering to these cellar-dwellers is what Music Stores must do to survive, calling into serious
      question any merit in such an accommodation. They think if they eventually buy a guitar, it will
      successfully play itself, or that the pretty girls will have sex with them, or their dead and worthless
      lives will somehow have meaning.

      Having recently rescued, and adopted on-line, one of their discarded ‘casualties’, now in gentle Rehabilitation with me (kind of like saving a rejected pet from the Animal Shelter gas-men), the
      casual abuse heaped upon this instrument, previously, deserves a severe beating for that evil
      little Perpetrator. Probably that Fat Guy.

  2. c_tho  |   Posted on Aug 10th +13

    sounds like a cool place looking forward to checking it out

  3. This sounds like something Pitchfork would score highly.

  4. I like to go to guitar center just to stand there and pretend to conduct all the people playing guitar, it’s one of my best jokes

  5. Truly nothing more disgusting than a man with a guitar. After all, that’s the domain of disnormative testosterone-centric patriarchical hegemonies. Gross, sexist, cis-pro, disnormative.

  6. Yeah, because the absolute last thing we want as fans of music is people practicing guitar.

    Totally newsworthy, Stereogum!

    • In response to that, all I can say is WEHEEEEEEEEEEEE weedle weedle wehhhhhhhhhheeeee BRRRRRRRRRRAN

    • Right though? I was like, “why is stereogum having beef with Guitar Center now?” Just, like, weird.

    • Stereogum: we can plug Taylor Swift and Coldplay, but fucking Guitar Center is too commercial! PS: Buy Dockers!

    • Yeah, like i always say the best way to practice is to go to guitar center and play classic rock riffs and finger tap over all the other dudes doing the same thing.

  7. Snark-fail, since if there has to be a Guitar Center, then it might as well be right around the corner from 48th Street. Also, while GC may be the musical instrument equivalent of Walmart, a lot of their locations do have an extensive selection of used stuff (stuff that is often more interesting than what they sell new) at very good prices.

    • To the best of my knowledge, which is not insignificant on such matters, Guitar Center is not part of the evil empire (or what that be Evil Empire?).

  8. you’d only need about 30 more people playing guitars and you’d have a pretty great merzbow cover band.

  9. While I am fully in favor of supporting local music shops, I have to say that this post is incredibly snobbish and unnecessary. Yes, I took the click bait, but you took the low-hanging fruit.

    • Nah, it’s just playful teasing.

      • No. Wesley’s spot on. This post veers into discouraging people to go out and learn music. Anyone who has played any instrument has had to go to a Guitar Center or Sam Ash at some point.

        • Go to Guitar Center, buy a guitar and practice at home. Don’t just sit in the store playing the opening riff to Smoke On the Water over and over again.

          • Agreed. The best way to figure out which guitar is right for you is to buy all of them.

          • And what about all those people who insist on test driving cars before buying them? Don’t they know they are just clogging up the roads, needlessly belching emissions into the air and wasting the nice salesman’s time?

        • You’re right. I did not think of the children.

        • I think the key to learning any instrument is playing Layla 20x in a row with the amp cranked all the way, directly next to the acoustic section

      • No, it’s douchey and kind of ignorant, even. About a year ago, I worked at a locally-owned guitar shop in my city, and while we had a bunch of stock in-store, we did most of our business online. I’m talking like selling $40,000 dollar guitars to people overseas. The owner used to go on trips to the Fodera factory in Brooklyn and select woods for custom basses to sell in store. Dude straight-up called G&L one time with an idea for a guitar, they made a few for him in the custom shop, and then he sold them to folks. I mean, my job there was to play all of these ridiculously extravagant guitars for a few minutes and then write about them on the website. I don’t even play guitar that well. It was high class shit.

        We still had teenagers come in and do nothing but blues licks and shredding. Every single day. Sometimes for hours. It just happens. But you know what? Sometimes really skilled people come in looking for a new guitar, and listening to them shop around is amazing. Sometimes a 13-year-old who is endearingly eager and kind comes in needs help, and while she may not be able to play well yet, you just know she will be one day. Possibly Robert Fucking Plant comes in the store, kicks it, and plays you a few tunes.

        So yeah, basically what I’m saying is that this “Hell on earth” happens at literally every single music shop and it’s not even a big deal because eighty percent of the demons do this shit for like ten minutes and then leave. And it’s goddamn hilarious that this article even exists when the Album of the Week was given to Kix. Kix. Hell, pretty soon the SG reader base is going to be bros who just, like, wanna rock out man.

    • Agreed Wes.

  10. Hard hitting stuff here.

  11. *disappointingly shakes head at Stereogum*

  12. Widdily widdily widdily widdily waaaaaahh!

    • Just like when he saw Foreigner performing with Bryan Adams at the Meadowlands Arena in their 1983 tour.

    • “Its called I Wanna Rock Your Body, and then in parentheses it says (To The Break of Dawn)”

  13. It’s a real shame that these tools are wasting their time trying to play guitars rather than racking up high scores on Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

  14. LOUD NOISES

  15. Quite the backlash against this story, I thought it was funny. Lighten up peeps.

    • It’s snarky, in no way newsworthy in the context in which it’s presented, negative towards playing musical instruments and buying them from anybody other than your hip local shop that doesn’t have 75% of what Guitar Center has, and just pretty much completely unnecessary. Other than that, yeah, funny.

      • I agree – there’s poking fun, and then there’s being a sneering, elitist dickhead. This article falls into the latter catergory.

      • Lighten up. There’s such a thing as playful mockery. This story isn’t going to steer anyone away from making music.

  16. I’m normally not one for snark, but this story made me laugh because EVERY TIME I’ve ever gone into a music store, the long-haired, beer-stained guys feel obligated to show off their br00tal skills for me.

    “Hey, I’m looking to buy a guitar.” “Oh yeah sure man check this out” *deedly deedly guitar solo*
    “Hey, I’m looking to buy an acoustic guitar.” “Oh yeah sure man check this out” *deedly deedly guitar solo*
    “Hey, I’m looking to buy a new guitar strap.” “Oh yeah sure man check this out” *deedly deedly guitar solo, DROP D POWER CHORD.*

  17. Oh fuck.

  18. Am I missing something, or is this really an article about how bad the customer riffage is at Guitar Center?

    I have a video of a soundguy yelling CHECK! into a bunch of microphones while the drum tech just keeps hitting the kick drum over and over. Pretty awful hell-on-earth level stuff. Where can I send it?

  19. Hey look, it’s Garrett White and everyone else from the KIX thread last week.

  20. Also: Buckcherry

  21. I used to be all snobby about Times Square until a friend of mine told me something logical: it attracts all the annoying tourists and keeps them in one place so they don’t bother people in the rest of the city.

    Actually, that sounds even snobbier. So be it. I took my wife there when she visited NY for the first time because I guess you have to see the spectacle at least once. But seriously, Times Square is pretty much everything I hate about mainstream US culture in one place. I’d only go there to see an occasional Broadway show. Why would you expect any store there to be any good? The snark comes too easy.

    Mas bien, tell us some better alternatives to Guitar Center to buy instruments at. Although in that case, there is the looming threat of overweight tourists from Iowa discovering where Brooklyn is. Hopefully they are listening to too much Slipknot to bother reading Stereogum.

  22. I’ve never played guitar before successfully, but this looks like a safe environment to wield a might axe of rock.

  23. GC > SG mother fuckers!

  24. Stick to actual music journalism Stereogum, your attempts at being a snob are pathetic.

  25. So many of the comments above must be from people in the video.

  26. Digging that cowbell in the background

  27. How does anyone hear themselves?!

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