Videogum

A Face Guide To The Current The Bachelor Contestants

Kelly Conaboy | January 7, 2014 - 2:45 pm

I don’t watch The Bachelor (though I have seen one episode of The Bachelorette, and it was a complete nightmare!), but I watched last night’s “The Limo Introductions Episode” because after watching and loving so many seasons of Burning Love, I wanted to see the real thing. It was bad! I mean, it was exactly like Burning Love, which is exactly what I wanted, except at the end I felt like a bad person who willingly entered a world of sadness, lies, and humiliation for what amounted to my entire night. LOL. Oh well! What Ani DiFranco doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The first thing you have to know about the girls on this season of The Bachelor is that nearly all of them spell their name a little bit wrong. You have to stand out, and if that is by eliminating some necessary letters or adding some unnecessary ones, so be it. The second thing you have to know is that — and brace yourself for this — due to an overwhelming response to the current Bachelor candidate Juan Pablo (who is quite handsome), the show has increased the number of girls in its girl arsenal from 25 to…TWENTY-SEVEN! “Ohh, so two more?”  says Juan Pablo, completely stunned. “That makes it a little more difficult.” Indeed. Last night’s episode already eliminated nine of those girls (including a woman who gave Juan Pablo a massage through his suit [WITH OIL] and moaned the whole time, and a woman who cried so much and immediately told him that she was vulnerable because her engagement had somewhat recently been broken off) (LADIES!) (PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!), but I’ve put together a handy faces guide to the rest of them. What faces should you be making at these ladies who should know better than to be on this show because they are grown woman and deserve to have respect for themselves? CLICK 2 FIND OUT!