The Perfect Crime: Wearing A Purse To School?

Kelly Conaboy | November 7, 2013 - 3:35 pm

To maintain order in society, criminals have to be punished. I’m sorry! I didn’t choose how to maintain order in society! I mean, we’d all like to live in a world in which there were no criminals because everyone got to commit all the crimes they wanted on one day out of the year, but THAT DREAM HAS NOT YET BEEN REALIZED. Maybe when that law is put into place, this eighth grader can carry a purse to school. Hell, maybe on that day everyone can carry a purse to school, if that’s the crime they want to comm– Oh, wait, what? Everyone else can carry a purse to school? What?! WHY ARE THESE CRIMINALS NOT BEING PUNISHED! IN OUR SCHOOLS? PURSES?! We should at least, I suppose, be happy that this one child — this one child who seems sweet and polite and has nice friends and a nice mom and is clearly not doing anything wrong and, like, if you just want to trample on someone because you don’t like who they are and the way that they are expressing who they are makes you uncomfortable, I have to point out that the way that they are expressing who they are in this case is not even that loud, like, it literally just looks kind of like an ugly messenger bag, fucking relax — is being punished for his crimes. If purses are clearly outlawed in both the state’s law book and his school’s handbook, then the school ultimately has the right to– Wait, they aren’t outlawed?! PURSES? IN OUR SCHOOLS? WHO’S IN CHARGE OF THE RULEBOOKS OVER THERE!

But seriously, though, fuck these assholes. Burn them to the ground. (Via Gawker.)