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This Is Your Relationship: The Extreme Cheapskates Couple That Shares Dental Floss

Kelly Conaboy | October 3, 2013 - 10:45 am

“No. We don’t really exist. Right? Like, there is no way that we are human beings who are alive on this planet, just existing along with everyone else. Sharing a shower and shampoo — meaning, the SUDS FROM ONE HEAD PLACED UPON ANOTHER — is one (still unreasonable) thing, but sharing a toothbrush and mother fucking DENTAL FLOSS? No. Nope. Nah-uh. No, we don’t exist. Don’t mind us, haha! Put all thoughts of us out of your head, because we are a figment of your imagination. WooOoOOOOoo. Spooky, yeah? It’s like we’re ghosts, except the thing about ghosts is that — if we’re to pretend for a minute that ghosts do exist — they’re at least the energy left over from something that once walked this earth in human form. Us? We never did. We have never been alive and, in fact, aren’t even based on something that was once alive. We’re totally nonexistent. Share dental floss? One swipe of the same deodorant under each arm every morning? Share the same razor for armpits and face? Nooooooope! Nope, that’s not anybody. No. Nope. No. Please rest assured that no.” – NO ONE.


NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! TLC! FUCKING STOP IT! NO! (Thanks for the tip, kind of, R2D2, Esq.!)