Other Questions Both For Parts Of Speech And Lindsay Lohan

Kelly Conaboy | August 5, 2013 - 4:50 pm

What is this, Lindsay Lohan day? No, it isn’t! Lindsay Lohan day (Lindsay Lohan’s birthday) was July 2, and we missed it. What a bunch of swell friends we are. Today isn’t that day, though, it’s just that some days are just a little more Lindsay Lohan than others, and this happens to be one of those days. (Check her out when she guest-hosts Chelsea Lately tonight, just kidding!) (Though, you obviously can if you want to!) (Like I already said, I am probably going to!) (So I don’t even know what I’m talking about!) Anyway, let’s get this post-y started. On Sunday, August 18th, Lindsay Lohan’s episode of Oprah’s Oprah’s Next Chapter will premiere on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Oh, girl. The network released a short teaser trailer today which offers little to talk about, save for one incredible question:

“What does it feel like to be both an adjective and a verb for child star gone wrong?” A+++++. OPRAH, DO YOU WANT TO FREELANCE FOR VIDEOGUM?! If I were Lindsay Lohan I would say, “I’m not sure, can you use me in a sentence?” LOL. Tune in 2 C if I am Lindsay Lohan! Oprah’s question does inspire me, though, to write up a few of my own questions for both parts of speech and Lindsay Lohan:

  • What does it feel like to be unsure, focused on wishful thinking, and rarely employed by anyone, like the subjunctive?
  • How does it feel to be a gerund for the action of when a child star goes wrong?
  • What’s it like to live your life like a positive negation, meaning a yes answer to a no question, like “doch,” a word that is used all of the time in German but doesn’t have an English equivalent? Even though one would be quite useful?
  • What’s it like to be a personal pronoun?
  • What’s it like to seem like a mere interjection in all of the recent films in which you’ve been cast?
  • What does it feel like to be at once the preposition “under” and the preposition “over”?

Hahaha. LINDSAY, I TRUELY WISH YOU THE BEST! I’m sorry my questions are so rude, BLAME OPRAH! I’m going to go Lindsay Lohan myself off of a cliff!!! (Via ONTD.)