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I’m Worried About Sigourney Weaver, You Guys

Gabe Delahaye | July 16, 2013 - 2:00 pm

I’m worried about Sigourney Weaver, you guys. Like, is she OK? Here she is at the Broadway Barks Annual Adoption Event and it’s like, do you need to sit down? What’s the matter? What can we bring you? You appear to be wearing pajamas, is there someone we can call? Do you know sometimes in horror and sci-fi movies when there is some kind of massive parasite that will get into a human’s bloodstream and you can see it pushing through the skin on their arms like a snake? Have you ever seen a movie like that? This is the face I make whenever I see a movie like that, right before I throw my TV out the window and set the house on fire. But she is just holding a puppy! But what if she thinks the puppy is infected with those skin snakes? That would make sense. If I was holding a puppy that I thought was infected with those skin snakes and that there was even the remotest chance that I was going to get skin snakes, you can bet I’d make that face but I wouldn’t hold onto the puppy any longer. I would drop kick that dog into a wood chipper and I would turn the wood chipper on “high.” (It’s important to pay close attention to the speed of the wood chipper if you want to make sure everything gets chipped enough.) If anything, Sigourney Weaver is so brave to continue holding onto a dog that is just riddled with alien skin snakes in order to help promote the caring adoption of animals. God bless you, Sigourney Weaver. Get well soon.