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A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Who Should Replace Elisabeth Hasselbeck On The View?

By staff / July 11, 2013 - 5:30 pm

Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe:hey, kelly!
Gabe:WHAT’S UP, MAN?!
Kelly: NM man just trying to stay cool and drinking an iced coffee!
Gabe: great to hear from you, man
Kelly: What’s up with you???
Gabe: i’m fine, just drinking a glass of water, since we’re talking about drinks
Gabe: it’s important 3 stay hydrated LOL
Kelly: Oh nice that’s def true
Kelly: Especially in the summertime
Gabe: 3 sure
Gabe: 3 sure
Kelly: So did you watch The View yesterday?
Gabe: of course i did
Gabe: no, i did not
Kelly: Hahah I did actually
Gabe: i used to watch it sometimes
Gabe: i like HOT TOPICS
Kelly: Yeah definitely
Kelly: Who doesn’t
Gabe: that show is actually a pretty good comedy
Gabe: just five clowns talking about things they don’t know anything about
Gabe: they should start a podcast

Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: There was actually one genuinely kind of funny moment
Kelly: Where they watched the clip of Dustin Hoffman that’s going around
Gabe: yes, that i have seen
Kelly: And Joy Behar said, “Uh, why is he crying?”
Kelly: That was the end of the funny moment
Kelly: But it wasn’t bad
Gabe: haha ugh, Joy
Kelly: But it wasn’t bad
Gabe: i like Joy Behar fine, but if SHE is your “voice of reason”
Gabe: CHECK PLEASE!
Kelly: hahahah
Gabe: WAITER, CHECK PLEASE!
Gabe: I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING: THE CHECK. PLEASE.
Kelly: Man you are nailing it!
Gabe: maybe you had to be there
Gabe: in Joy Behar’s head
Gabe: for the hilarity of that moment to translate?
Kelly: That could be it
Gabe: well, thanks for telling me about a very funny moment
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: and stay hydrated out there
Kelly: You’re welcome, talk to you tomorrow
Kelly: THE REASON I WATCHED IT THOUGH
Kelly: Is because it was Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s last day
Kelly: V. important moment in TV history
Gabe: right
Gabe: that was why Dustin Hoffman was crying?
Gabe: actual question: did she tell viewers she was leaving ahead of time? or was her announcement also her last day?
Gabe: asking for a friend
Kelly: From what I could tell, her announcement was also her last day. Though I think if you read the Internet you knew that it was going to be her last
Kelly: I think the info was out there
Gabe: weird
Gabe: i guess it makes sense
Gabe: there’s no parade to schedule
Gabe: for Hasslebeck’s last day on The View
Gabe: don’t let the HOT TOPICS hit you in the bottom on your way out
Gabe: so to speak
Kelly: It’s funny you say that because Barbara Walters kept talking about her bottom
Gabe: ?
Kelly: She kept being like, “who’s bottom am I going to push now” or something
Kelly: And talking about how she has a very nice body?
Kelly: There is a lot going on on The View
Gabe: clearly

Gabe: who is your favorite on The View?
Kelly: Hmmmmm
Kelly: Sherri Shepherd
Gabe: gross
Gabe: you’re fired
Kelly: Why who’s your favorite?
Gabe: Barbara, duh
Gabe: HBIC
Gabe: hahhahahahah
Gabe: SHE IS THE HBIC
Kelly: Ugh I KNEW you were going to say Barbara
Gabe: you like the lady
Gabe: who thinks maybe the world IS flat
Gabe: there is no way for us to know
Kelly: Hahaha
Gabe: and who also said god was great
Gabe: for saving her
Gabe: from the indonesian tsunami that killed 300,000 people god didn’t like as much as her
Gabe: and allowed her to come back from her tropical vacation
Gabe: ahead of time
Kelly: Yes, she is my favorite one
Gabe: yes, and that is why you are fired
Kelly: #godisgreat
Gabe: #mylaugh
Kelly: hahahhhhhhh
Gabe: #factsonly
Kelly: Ugh #mylaugh and #factsonly
Kelly: the best
Gabe: i wonder which former reality show contestant with completely disengaged knee-jerk conservative values and a tight bod they will hire to fill Hasselbeck’s tiny shoes
Kelly: Does Irene from Real World: Seattle count?

Kelly: Irene and Stephen can both take the spot
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: she’s got lyme disease!
Kelly: She will provide a very important voice when discussing lyme disease
Gabe: i guess on the one hand, she could help bring awareness to lyme disease
Kelly: mhmm
Gabe: but what if she dies on air because of lyme disease?
Gabe: i don’t actually know that much about lyme disease
Gabe: but i do feel like there are people with a little more hosting experience and a little less lyme disease to choose from
Kelly: Hmmm
Kelly: Stacey Dash from Clueless is conservative for some reason, she could do it
Kelly: Victoria Jackson
Kelly: AH!
Kelly: Hahahah can you imagine ahhh what a nightmare
Kelly: That is very good, though
Gabe: the only problem with her is that i feel like
the ukulele would get on B’s nerves
Kelly: that’s prob true
Gabe: a number of years ago, my then-roommate Glenn and I
Gabe: recorded audition videos for The View in our Queens living room
Gabe: because The View was looking for guest hosts
Gabe: and Glenn was a big fan of The View, so he made us tape auditions
Gabe: so, there is always me or Glenn
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: Do you still have your audition vids???
Gabe: probably somewhere, yeah
Gabe: for my Presidential Library
Kelly: Oh sure
Gabe: all I remmeber is that I asked Glenn very gentle, flattering questions
Gabe: and he hit me with nothing but hardballs TWSS
Gabe: but seriously, he was like, “What even makes you think you’d be good for The View?”
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: Damnit Glenn
Gabe: but it’s exactly the way i was able to hold up under that pressure
Gabe: that shows I could hang with these ladies
Kelly: Wow, so he really did you a favor, kind of
Gabe: and offer my opinions on diet fads and celebrating Lisa Rinna’s birthday
Kelly: So I guess you are the one, then?
Kelly: You are who should replace Elisabeth
Gabe: the prophecy is true
Kelly: For the record I was pulling for Stacey Dash but I do think that this is a better decision
Gabe: thank you 3 your support
Kelly: netime g
Kelly: Remember to never back down when fighting about what you believe in
Kelly: JK you won’t have a problem with that
Kelly: Ur gonna be great
Kelly: #factsonly
Gabe: #mylaugh