Videogum

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Believe Nature Can Hurt You

By Gabe Delahaye / July 8, 2013 - 5:30 pm

The thing about Gwyneth Paltrow, besides EVERYTHING about Gwyneth Paltrow, is her preternatural ability to surprise you. Just when you thought that Gwyneth Paltrow had plumbed the deepest depths of inanity, like those poor, poor women in The Descent, she pops back up with some dark, fetid goop in her mouth, letting you know that she got even deeper (or in her case, shallower) than you even knew was possible. Today, Gwyneth raises (or is it lowers? I am all turned around! Just like the women in The Descent*) the bar with her theory on nature. From US Weekly:

Surprisingly, Paltrow tells the magazine [she] disagrees with doctors who warn patients to avoid tanning. “We’re human beings and the sun is the sun — how can it be bad for you? I think we should all get sun and fresh air,” the actress tells British Cosmopolitan. “I don’t think anything that is natural can be bad for you — it’s really good to have at least 15 minutes of sun a day.”

We are human beings and the sun is the sun. Oh brother. Look, even just setting aside the possible health ramifications of tanning, or whether or not Gwyneth Paltrow thinks we should all get sun and fresh air (as if that is even the thing that is being talked about? Like, are there doctors out there suggesting no one get any sun or fresh air ever? No, there are not doctors doing that) the simple fact of the matter is that there is nothing more dangerous than “anything that is natural.” That’s INSANE. The world is in a constant state of destruction. Most things on this planet WILL kill you if given the chance. What is she even talking about?! Has she even SEEN Shark Week?! Also, I like how she actually provides her own prescription of 15 minutes a day in the sun for everyone. Thank you, Doctor Paltrow. Your years of training and research in the field of antique bidets and “vegan lobster rolls” makes your advice all the more valuable. #LegalizeIt

*If you’re going to make a The Descent reference, you might as well get as much mileage out of it while the window is open. You never know when you are going to be able to make a The Descent reference again!