A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Is Megan Draper Dead?

staff | June 6, 2013 - 5:45 pm

Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How are you?
Gabe: i’m pretty good thanks
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: I’m okay!
Kelly: All right, enough small talk
Gabe: phew
Gabe: i was like, let’s get serious
Gabe: it’s weird, too, because like we know each other?
Kelly: You mean, like, we know how each other is?
Gabe: i just mean, like, small talk is for strangers
Gabe: Small Talk Is For Strangers is also the name of my third album
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: That is NOT bad.
Kelly: So anyway, enough small talk
Kelly: Did you see the latest update in the Megan Draper/Sharon Tate conspiracy theory?
Kelly: ?!?!?!?!?!?
Gabe: first of all
Gabe: please don’t use the term “conspiracy theory”
Gabe: when talking about a basic cable television show

Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: What term should I use?
Kelly: The Megan Draper/Sharon Tate uncovered secret death plot plan
Gabe: idea someone had
Gabe: about what might be happening
Gabe: on a tv show
Gabe: and might not
Gabe: it doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily, i suppose
Kelly: I guess I can just cut it down to “idea”
Kelly: The Megan Draper/Sharon Tate idea?!?!?!?
Gabe: yeah
Gabe: theory
Gabe: you can say theory
Gabe: that makes you sound so smart, kelly
Kelly: The Megan Draper/Sharon Tate theory?
Kelly: You’re right
Kelly: I sound like a professor
Gabe: a professor of Theoretical Mad Men
Kelly: So the latest update in the Megan Draper/Sharon Tate theory is that Jessica Pare talked to Esquire about it and said she doesn’t know if there’s any significance to the t-shirt and that you’d have to ask Matthew Weiner
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: sounds like a pretty thrilling interview
Gabe: surprised to find the world is still turning
Kelly: Also she said women didn’t wear a lot of t-shirts at the time
Kelly: Which is interesting
Gabe: is it?
Gabe: is it though?
Kelly: Kind of?
Gabe: it is funny how people of our generation are pretending like Mad Men is ACTUAL history class
Gabe: but i will tell you something: someone asked Joan if she was going to Le Cirque in the first episode of this season
Gabe: and that restaurant didn’t open until the 70s
Gabe: and i heard an interview with an actual Old Person who said he couldn’t watch the show because it was too unrealistic, specifically tlaking about the way people were dressed
Gabe: so don’t believe everything you learn in the school of Mad Men
Gabe: your teachers are lying to you!

Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: That Le Cirque one was egregious
Kelly: I was going to say that if there was anything I disliked more than people acting like Mad Men is history class
Kelly: It would be people who pick apart the different anachronisms
Kelly: Because it is just a TV show, relax
Kelly: But really I guess those two groups of people are very similar and it’s easier to just dislike them both the same
Gabe: i’m not sure you can
Gabe: think it’s ridiculous for someone to pick apart the anachronisms
Gabe: but think it’s OK to decide that Meghan is Sharon Tate because she wears a t-shirt
Gabe: and give the show extra credit for telling you
Gabe: that women didn’t wear t-shirts?
Gabe: it’s all just a little bit annoying
Gabe: because no matter what you say about any of it, to your point
Gabe: it’s just a tv show
Kelly: Well, I’m not sure if the you in what you’re saying is actually me or just a general “you”
Kelly: But 1. I 4SURE do not think Megan is Sharon Tate!
Kelly: and 2. I said it was kind of interesting that women didn’t wear t-shirts a lot back then
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: I’m not giving Mad Men any credit for that
Kelly: Who even knows if that’s true
Kelly: I just don’t like it when people are like
Kelly: “That tie clip didn’t exist until 1976!”
Kelly: Who cares
Gabe: well, actually
Gabe: i would normally agree with you
Gabe: because i don’t know why anyone cares about anything
Gabe: but in this particular instance
Gabe: the Mad Men people are so proud of themselves for their attention to detail
Gabe: that i think it’s totally legitimate to call them out when they mess up
Gabe: if this was a Tone Poem to 1968 then fine
Gabe: but when they are like “we got the original suits made that year from the tailor who worked around the corner from where the fictional Sterling & Cooper is located” then yeah, you can call shenanigans
Kelly: It is still annoying, though
Kelly: You can’t tell me that it isn’t annoying, especially knowing the attention that is paid to detail, when people go through and complain about the imperfections
Gabe: it’s all annoying
Gabe: we are in agreement
Gabe: that everything in the world is annoying
Gabe: and that we just want to have a Werther’s and take a nap
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: We got off subject, though
Kelly: Megan Draper: IS SHE DEAD?!
Gabe: my friend jane asked me that yesterday
Gabe: and my first response
Gabe: was no
Gabe: and what i said was that this show, despite what everyone thinks all the time
Gabe: but this show is not that playful
Gabe: what you see is almost always what you get
Gabe: and if they do a flash-back it’s obviously a flash-back
Gabe: and even when Don was dead, I pointed out, it was weird immediately
Gabe: they don’t show two people having a phone call and then it turns out the phone call was all just a dream or whatever
Gabe: everything is actually fairly surface
Gabe: but then she pointed out that in Don’s near death experience that I myself brought up as an example, he sees two people “on the other side” one of whom is for sure dead (the soldier) and the other one being Megan
Gabe: on top of which every time he talked to Megan there were sirens drowning her out

Kelly: And then what did you say?
Gabe: oh, then i said
Gabe: yeah, who knows, i’m dumb and i just want to put tv in my eyes and go to bed
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: Two of my friends brought it up at dinner last night and I had a similar experience, where I talked about how that has never been a thing that Mad Men does
Kelly: And so on
Kelly: And they were like “But it was when they showed an image that looked like a man hanging and then Lane hung himself” or whatever
Kelly: And I didn’t know what they were talking about
Kelly: And then it was revealed that neither of them watched Mad Men
Kelly: And they had just read the Uproxx article
Kelly: And we were all wasting our time
Gabe: hahahahahahaha
Gabe: one of my favorite things is when you realize
Gabe: about 10 minutes into a heated discussion with friends
Gabe: that no one knows what they are talking about and no one has any investment in the outcome
Kelly: hahah yes
Kelly: It’s nice to have people to hash nonsense out with for no reason.
Gabe: once you notice it
Gabe: you will start seeing it happening
Gabe: in almost every conversation
Gabe: people love to argue, but nobody knows anything
Gabe: and thus the Internet was born
Kelly: And Megan Draper was killed
Gabe: by a t-shirt
Gabe: the t-shirt kills her?
Gabe: i’m sorry
Gabe: i wasn’t paying attention to any of this
Kelly: Yeah the t-shirt kills her
Kelly: In a plot to show Sharon Tate’s boobs on every blog
Gabe: it was all leading up to this
Gabe: if you go back to the opening scene
Gabe: of the first episode
Gabe: of the first season
Gabe: i’m not going to give it away, but somewhere in that bar where Don orders an old fashioned
Gabe: is a picture of Sharon Tate’s wet boobs
Gabe: and the words
Gabe: “The End”
Kelly: hahahaha
Kelly: Every time you hear a siren in all six seasons a pic of wet boobs flashes on the screen real quick
Kelly: You have to slow the episodes down a lot to catch it but we’re working on a supercut
Gabe: who’s “we”?!
Kelly: Me and you
Gabe: that doesn’t sound right
Gabe: that doesn’t sound like something i would do
Gabe: am I dead?!
Gabe: am I sharon tate?!
Gabe: oh no! i just looked and i am wearing a t-shirt!!!!!!
Kelly: Oh no
Kelly: Gabe.
Gabe: jk jk
Kelly: Never ever joke around about wearing a t-shirt again, please
Kelly: I know it’s like fun or whatever but I get nervous
Gabe: at least if she is dead, megan will have died doing what she loved: wearing a t-shirt
Kelly: Did she buy the t-shirt before she died or is it a t-shirt they gave her in heaven, do you think
Kelly: We are going to look like dumb idiots though when it turns out she had been dead for a while
Gabe: uh
Gabe: if it turns out that Megan has been dead for awhile
Gabe: we will not be the ones who look like dumb idiots
Gabe: it will be the show called Mad Men that will be the dumb idiot
Kelly: Hahaha
Gabe: “Don wakes up in 1997 and it was all just a terrible dream!”
Kelly: I hope it ends with Don pitching Mad Men to Tina Fey as an episode of 30 Rock
Kelly: “And it turns out she had been dead that whole time.”
Gabe: in black face
Kelly: Hahhhhhh
Kelly: In black face.
Gabe: The End.
Gabe: “The End” – Vince Gilligan
Kelly: :(!!!! Don’t bring it up!!!