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The Pussy Posse (Gross, Sorry) Hits Cannes

Gabe Delahaye | May 22, 2013 - 11:49 am

The Cannes Film Festival is currently underway in France, which, to people like you and me, is kind of like saying the Elysium Film Festival is currently underway in space. Give me a break. (Trace amounts of cancer detected.) I mean, must be nice! I’m sure it is nice. Although I am also confused by major league film festivals a lot of the time. People buy the movies at Cannes but they also win prizes? But then some of the movies can’t be “show in competition” but they still screen them, like, G.I. Joe and stuff, in which case it’s obviously not an art movie, and it’s also not for sale, it’s just an advertisement. To whom? The other people at Cannes? Don’t they already know about G.I. Joe? FORGET IT, JAKE, IT’S ELYSIUM. (I hope so so bad that that is an actual line in the movie Elysium.) Anyway, apparently the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) is in Cannes, because like where else would they even be. Here is a photograph of the Pussy Posse’s (gross, sorry) HBIC, Leonardo DiCaprio, partying at “Club Gotha” with TWO e-cigarettes immediately on hand. (According to LaineyGossip, Lukas Haas was also on hand, making this an Official Pussy Posse (Gross, Sorry) Meet Up.) Here is the thing about this photograph: have you ever been to a night club? It stinks! I know that some people like it, but most of those people are 22 years old. Even people who enjoy going to the club don’t really enjoy going to the club, they are just pursuing their ulterior motives in the most efficient way they know how. But Leo is 38 years old. And his entire life is a VIP Area with complimentary bottle service. That’s what he gets at Jiffy Lube while he’s waiting for his oil changed. His mom probably ropes off the living room and roller skates in with a bottle of champagne with sparklers sticking out of the top when he goes home to visit. So those obnoxious and depressing status markers aren’t the point for a person like him. Is it that it is only at a club, behind a wall of security guards, with a newsboy hat pulled low over his brow, with one e-cigarette in his hand and another tucked behind his ear in case of emergencies, with the darkened lights and the mind-obliteratingly loud music that Leo finally feels safe enough and comfortable enough to do the one thing he most wants to do: dance? HE TRULY IS THE GREAT GATSBY! That book is just about a dude who wants to dance but is embarrassed, right? Also did you know that many years ago the same woman who wrote that book about the Bling Ring wrote an article for New York Magazine about the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) that features a truly horrible story in which Leonardo enthusiastically cheers while his friend punches Elizabeth Berkley’s boyfriend in the throat after calling him a faggot just because he asked them to please stop sexually harassing his girlfriend? Pin that one up to the inside of your locker door, girls! (Thanks for the tip, Mary.)