Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

We did it. At the beginning of the week, back when we were talking about how Kristen Wiig did on Saturday Night Live (my memory is a little cloudy, but we all loved it except for the fact that we were hoping for more Gilly, correct?) (JK LOL), I thought we might never get here, but we’re here. #FRIDAY! The very beginning of what will end up being one weekend in an unending cycle of workweeks and weekends that will continue until either retirement or death. YAY! What are you going to do with yours? I’m hoping to go see Frances Ha. Who knows where the weekend will take me, but that is my hope. It looks good! Tell me what you’re going to do, and then let’s meet back here on Monday. Love you, bye!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Amy’s Baking Company And Pizzeria Caption Contest, and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 lawblog | May 10th Score:30
Whatevah you wicked queeah
Posted in: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys
#4 steph | May 14th Score:32
Amy’s Baking Company

Scottsdale, AZ

5 stars

Last Friday I was driving through Scottsdale when I got a sudden craving for pizza, baked goods, coffee, and beer. I noticed Amy’s Baking Company on the side of the road and thought, WOW, what luck!

I was skeptical when I walked in and saw a tired-looking woman haranguing a waiter and full-on shouting at him when he mentioned something about someone stealing tips? I thought, well, that’s strange, and that can’t really be right because who does that, so I just sat down anyway because I really wanted my pizza/baked goods/coffee/beer.

My lunch was kind of a disaster. The food was terrible, and it was hard to even attempt to enjoy it over the constant soundtrack of vitriol volleyed back and forth across the restaurant. It was so bad that I actually complained, which is not something I ever do.

The owners Amy and Sammy came out to talk to me, and they demanded that I come with them into the restaurant’s office. I will admit that I was scared, but there was something authoritative in their demeanor, and I followed them into a small, dark room next to the kitchen. Amy and Sammy proceeded to shout at me, calling me a godless, miserable pussy, and claiming they had God on their side.

It was then that I noticed the decor of the office – there were crucifixes on every wall, and a large shrine took up a quarter of the office. When I looked back at Amy and Sammy, their heads glowed under haloes of light, and they smiled at me with changed expressions, their eyes overflowing with sudden benevolence. Just then, an Angel appeared and put a white-lit hand on Amy and Sammy’s shoulders. The Angel spoke, and I learned that Amy and Sammy were the Lord’s servants, that they were put on this Earth to bring God to non-believers through their pizzeria/bistro/bakery/bar. I felt the Holy Spirit enter me like water into a parched mouth, and I fell on my knees and cried.

Amy and Sammy gave me a croissant and wine on the house, and transformed by the power of my renewed belief, both offerings were excellent.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It Contest: Amy’s Baking Company And Pizzeria
#3 littlegreen | May 10th Score:32
eeeek i can’t stand having lunch with friends who pull out tupperware full of carrots and then say how much they loove carrots …. i mean, come on. every day with the carrots for lunch. then my one friend says to me, “you’re always eating sandwiches!” no shit, it’s lunch! everyone’s eating sandwiches!
Posted in: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful
#2 thedevilprobably | May 14th Score:38
FIVE stars. If you want to KNOW what an omelette cooked by WONDER WOMAN herself would taste like, come to Amy’s. IF NOT THEN FUCK YOU, YOU ARE NOTHING
Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It Contest: Amy’s Baking Company And Pizzeria
#1 truckasaurus | May 10th Score:40
Sorry, I already have a lunch date:

 

Posted in: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Congrats, Truck! Everyone loves a well-placed woman laughing alone with salad. You guys did a very good job in the Amy’s Bakery Yelp Caption Contest this week. It was challenging and you rose to the challenge, as you always do. Stay safe this weekend!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 badideajeans | May 14th Score:-23
This is so goddamn ridiculous and reactionary and insane that it made my blood boil. Also, more women die from heart disease and lung cancer than they do from breast cancer, and yet breast cancer raises so much more money because it has a much higher survival rate as there are lots of faces to put to the disease.

And I say this as a woman who lost a grandmother to this disease and shopped around until I found a doctor that would let me get a mammogram at 35. You know what else runs in my family? Drinking heavily and smoking heavily and eating terribly and living in the Midwest, being miserable and sedentary. So also: diabetes and heart disease. It’s all related, just having the gene (if you can even afford to get tested) is not a goddamn death sentence.

Seriously, fuck her .

Posted in: Angelina Jolie’s Double Mastectomy

[Assoc. Ed. Note: This is an issue that is going to draw a lot of heated opinions, and opinions based on personal history, and everyone is generally entitled their own. Badideajeans certainly included. To end with “seriously, fuck her,” though, was definitely a bit much!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Jeb | May 14th Score:38
Something amazing happened on Kitchen Nightmares? This is literally (using this correctly) the first time my mom has the jump on me in terms of a viral media moment.

Me: LOL, have you SEEN this, Mom?

Mom: Uh, yeah, like DAYS ago.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It Contest: Amy’s Baking Company And Pizzeria

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Jeb! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

  artdork | May 16th Score:5

Yeah, I’m pretty sure my ghost will still be at the museum. I’ll wander around fixing labels and displays and wondering who all these people are that have free time to visit a museum on a week day afternoon. It will be like I never left, except spooky!

Posted in: GHOST ON FILM! GHOST ON FILM! GHOST ON FILM!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: People don’t spend nearly enough time talking about what they’d do if they ever became a ghost.]

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