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The Tragic Story Of The Kiss Cam Breakup

Kelly Conaboy | May 9, 2013 - 10:30 am

Reheat your coffee and gather around — I have a tragic story to tell you inspired by a video that has recently gone viral. Is it a true story? No, but maybe. You never know if the things you make up in your imagination are going to end up being true. Is the end even true, the part shown on the video? Probably not! It looks like it’s probably staged. But maybe it isn’t! You shouldn’t always think everything you see is fake, even if it probably is. That’s no way to live your life. Man oh man, please stop giving me such a hard time, I’m only trying to tell you a story! Here we go: Cheryl purchased her boyfriend, Dave, tickets to a Fresno Grizzlies baseball game for his birthday. If you are calling shenanigans on this story already, I’d like to confirm that the Fresno Grizzlies ARE a minor league baseball team, even if you have never heard of them because your knowledge of even major league baseball and baseball teams is admittedly very not-ah-so-good. Cheryl had never been as confident about a birthday gift ever before in her life. “I just know my boyfriend Dave is going to love these minor league baseball tickets,” she whispered to her mother on the phone at one point, “I just know it.” The day of the game they both got dressed in their cutest baseball game outfits and headed to the stadium. “I’m going to get a hotdog,” Dave said. “I’m going to get TWO hotdogs!” Cheryl said, giggling. “Gross,” said Dave, not even making eye contact. Disheartened, Cheryl explained that she was only trying to be cute, she’ll probably just get one hot dog or maybe even no hot dogs, maybe she’ll get nachos, but it didn’t even seem like Dave was listening. It never did anymore. Looking back on their nine month relationship, Cheryl strained to remember a time when it seemed like Dave had his whole heart in it, like she did — Did he ever want this? How did she fool herself into thinking their relationship was solid, was worth continuing? Why did he trudge on in a relationship in which he wasn’t happy? Ah, but there was no time for thoughts like this — they were at a baseball game! Her nagging mind will not distract her from the fun she intended to have. About an hour into the game, or whatever, who knows how long baseball games last or when this thing normally happens, it was time for the kiss cam. Cheryl got a knot in her stomach — did she want it to land on them, or didn’t she? She couldn’t decide and, luckily for her, she didn’t have to — The camera soon landed on directly on them. “This is how I’ll know,” she thought, leaning in for a kiss. “This is how I’ll know.”

DAMNIT, DAVE! YOU’RE SUCH A JERK! I’M NOT SURE WHY THE KISS CAM LANDED ON YOU GUYS SO MANY TIMES, AS IF IT KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN, BUT CHERYL IS LUCKY IT DID! YOU DON’T DESERVE HEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (Via BuzzFeed.)