From TMZ: “Tara Reid is no fan of Lindsay Lohan … and Lindsay Lohan ain’t too fond of Tara either … so says the American Pie star. Tara hosted “TMZ on TV” yesterday … and told us she and LiLo have some serious issues, despite the fact they run in the same social circles.

“We don’t really like each other that much,” Reid said … “If I get drunk, I’m a happy drunk. When she gets drunk, she’s just mean.” Still, Reid believes Lohan will eventually get her life back on track … because people keep giving her “chance after chance after chance after chance.”

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“I don’t know why Paris and the rest of the girls care so much that we get along.” Lindsay chewed on her straw outside of a Los Angeles eatery, sitting across from American Pie star Tara Reid. “I’m going to rehab or whatever anyway soon, so like…” Lindsay trailed off. Was Tara even paying attention? No, she wasn’t. “I’m sorry, what?” she asked, “I was looking at the menu. You shouldn’t talk to someone when they’re looking at a menu, it’s hard enough to try to figure out what you want to eat without having to pay attention to someone talking at you. It’s rude, actually.” Lindsay sighed. Would these two ever be friends? “I was just saying that I don’t know why Paris and the rest of the girls and also boys in our social groups care if we’re friends or not. Like, why did they set up this lunch? It seems out of character for anyone in our social groups, hell, in our lives in general, to care about our wellbeing at all. You know that as well as I do. Anyway, maybe it’s good that we have a chance to talk some things through. You know? Tara?” “I’M OBVIOUSLY STILL LOOKING AT THE MENU,” Tara snapped back. Gosh, would Tara Reid ever pick out what she wanted to eat for lunch?

“Just pick something! Why is it taking you so long to pick something out?” Lindsay knew American Pie star Tara Reid had been to this particular Los Angeles eatery many times in the past, and the menu rarely changes. “I just don’t know what I’m in the mood for, Jesus Christ.” The girls had been sitting at their table for 45 minutes and Lindsay had already gone through two iced teas and one trip to the bathroom. “This is ridiculous. I’m getting the kale caesar salad. Do you want that?” “Oh, gross. No.” Tara was watching her weight and was worried that the dressing might be a bit much. “What do you want then? Soup? What do you eat?” “THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST BE QUIET?” Boy oh boy, at this point it seems like these two would never reconcile!

“Maybe you should put down the menu for a few minutes and then come back to it? Sometimes that helps. Or you know, I read this thing on the Consumerist that said closing your menu after picking something out can give you more of a sense of satisfaction with your meal — because you’re not thinking about what you COULD have had. Maybe you can just pick something and then close the–” “Lindsay, I’m trying to be patient with you. As you know, I am a happy drunk and you are an angry drunk and you are SERIOUSLY ruining my buzz right now.” “Wait, are you drunk?” While Lindsay was not always on point with her sobriety, she was not currently drunk. Tara, though — who knows. “I’m not drunk right now, but it’s just like, this is exactly how it always is.” Now the girls were getting somewhere! Lindsay grabbed the menu from Tara’s hands. “What are you talking about? When we’re drunk together I’m always trying to get you to pick something on a menu after we’ve been sitting, so hungry, for like an hour?” “Ugh, this is impossible,” Tara rolled her eyes and laughed quietly — almost sweetly. “Tell me about it,” Lindsay said with a quiet laugh of her own. Could it be that these two young ladies were finally getting on the right track to amending their friendship? Could it be that their social circles will no longer sag under the weight of their conflicting drunk personalities, both of which almost certainly caused by both alcohol and substance abuse, which we have to imagine are quite prevalent in the circles? Could they help each other to turn over new leaves, together? Tara threw her hands in the air, “I just have no fucking idea what I want to eat! Want to go somewhere else? This restaurant is so random, I don’t know what I want here, it’s like impossible.” Oh, goodness. Lindsay shook her head and smiled. “Sure, Tara. Let’s go somewhere else.”