There Are Worse People Than Gwyneth Paltrow Though

By Gabe Delahaye / April 16, 2013

It’s no mystery that Gwyneth Paltrow is a bit of a solid gold punching bag around here. Prior to the launch of her lifestyles website, Goop, she was just a pretty actress from a Hollywood Dynasty family married to a rock star, no big whoop. Who ISN’T a pretty actress from a Hollywood Dynasty family married to a rock star? But there was (and continues to be) something so galling and tone deaf about an impossibly wealthy and pampered and detached woman giving other people advice on how best to live one’s life. I guess you could make the argument that Karl Marx came from an upper-class home and it was his own privileged upbringing that allowed him to come to terms with the mechanics and underpinnings of capitalistic exploitation as well as a grasp on the written word in order to be able to produce Das Kapital in the first place, but this feels different somehow. And yet, now that Star magazine has named her “The Most Hated Celebrity In Hollywood” we actually have to take issue. Because that ain’t right. From FOX News:

Paltrow topped Star magazine’s list of the 20 Most Hated Celebrities in Hollywood. And though she may be one of the more surprising names on the list, it’s likely the gorgeous and perfectly fit 40-year-old mother has earned her fair share of haters.

Well now hold on a minute. There are a bunch of grand and definitive titles that I could see giving to Gwyneth Paltrow:

The Most Annoying Baby Namer In Hollywood
The Most Obnoxious Celebrity When It Comes To Sinks In Hollywood
The Celebrity Most Likely To Recommend Staying At A Hotel That Serves $130 Margaritas To People Who Are Not Celebrities And Who Doesn’t Even Seem To Have a Shred Of An Idea Of How That Makes Her Look In Hollywood
The Most Condescending And Arrogant Celebrity In The World Not Just Hollywood Even
The Worst Celebrity With Whom To Start A Casual Conversation About Food Or Exercise Or Jay-Z In Hollywood

Any of those honorariums and Gwynnie P shoots right up to the top of the list, and like a hard top, too. She would be #1-3 on the list, and then further down you’d see some stragglers. When it comes to being the worst, Gwyneth DOMINATES. But there’s a huge difference between being The Worst and being The Most Hated or even The Most Hateable. In a world in which Chris Brown still exists, we shouldn’t even be having this conversation. But he’s not even the only one! Showbusiness is filled with actual violent monsters who abuse their significant others and who inject liquid drugs into their buttholes. It’s a nightmare world filled with straight up for real goblins. Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow is unrelentingly annoying in her pursuit to make us all know how much her espresso machine costs and the degree to which she has lost touch (or possibly never had touch) with actual human life is shocking and a stark reminder of our own inability at times to achieve genuine and meaningful empathy. But she’s not THE WORST PERSON. She’s a dumb person. A foolish person. A person who needs a few more friends and family members who care about her to tell her “how about you DON’T do that.” But as long as there are human beings who punch other human beings in the face at the very moment that they thought they were safe and loved and who attempt to use lazy and cynical racism to deflect attention from the ravages of their drug addiction and who make a business out of making fun of mentally disabled people but don’t even have the courage to just admit that is what they are doing then I am not even sure Gwyneth Paltrow ranks.