A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Betty White Is Named America’s Most Appealing Celebrity
Kelly: HELLOOOOOO, GABE!
Gabe: looks like someone got up on the RIGHT side of the bed today
Kelly: It’s hard to get up on the wrong side of the bed when you wake up to a beautiful day.
Kelly: You probably know that better than anyone
Gabe: i’m not going to brag
Gabe: but yes, i know it better than anyone
Gabe: what are you going to do with all your energy and enthusiasm?
Kelly: Oh, I don’t know
Gabe: don’t get your hopes up
Gabe: too much disappointment in the world
Gabe: just wait for your good mood to pass
Kelly: That’s very good advice, thank you
Kelly: When I took this job I knew I’d learn a lot about blogging, but I had no idea how much I’d learn about living.
Kelly: So anyway who is the most appealing celebrity to you?
Gabe: Hannah Simone next question
Kelly: Great answer.
Gabe: this is an embarrassing question, but what does the word “appealing” mean?
Kelly: Eats the most bananas
Gabe: no, kelly
Kelly: To be serious for 1 sec though, I don’t know
Kelly: Because America has chosen Betty White as their most appealing celebrity
Gabe: it’s such a mushy word
Gabe: it’s like, you like it but you don’t love it and you might not even like it but you’re interested in it and you think it’s cute but not pretty but could be pretty but you don’t have time to think about it too much but you definitely are curious as long as you aren’t busy doing something else
Kelly: You have a very good handle on it, actually.
Gabe: i feel like most appealing is synonymous with least unappealing
Gabe: that is how much of a non-descriptive word it is
Gabe: who is reporting this scientific breakthrough?
Kelly: E-Poll Market Research?
Gabe: what an honor for Betty White
Gabe: on the eve of her 9,000th birthday
Gabe: to be named America’s Most Appealing Celebrity
Gabe: by E-Poll Market Research
Kelly: Other celebrities included on the list are:
Kelly: “Morgan Freeman, Carol Burnett, actress and recording star Cote de Pablo, “NCIS” TV star Pauley Perrette and Olympian Gabby Douglas”
Gabe: no that sounds right
Gabe: those are definitely the top three celebrities i think of
Gabe: when i think of celebrities
Gabe: the results of this E-Poll Market Research are obviously a bit skewed
Gabe: since you have to be a Betty White fan to even respond
Gabe: to E-Poll Market Research
Kelly: I’ve been trying to figure out what E-Poll Market Research is
Kelly: In preparation for this chat with you
Gabe: you’re tired of being in a good mood?
Gabe: you were doing so good, you decided you wanted to ruin it
Gabe: by figuring out whatever E-Poll Market Research is
Kelly: The website looks like it’s going to give you a pop-up virus: http://www.epollresearch.com/corp/home.view
Gabe: who do you think is the most appealing celebrity?
Kelly: George Clooney
Gabe: Idris Elba
Kelly: Barack Obama
Gabe: fuck you
Gabe: Barack Obama
Gabe: get out of here
Gabe: he is better than appealing
Gabe: he rates a better word than “appealing”
Kelly: “Fuck you, Barack Obama. Get out of here.” – Gabe Delahaye
Gabe: OH NICE HATCHET JOB KELLY
Gabe: BUT WILL IT STAND UP IN A CONGRESSIONAL HEARING?
Gabe: YOU ARE TOAST
Kelly: WE ALL SAW IT, GABE
Kelly: WE’LL SEE WHO’S TOAST
Gabe: you’re like Roger Ailes but worse
Gabe: like, uglier and more awful
Gabe: no no!
Gabe: just your face
Gabe: and general demeanor
Gabe: he’s very rich and successful
Gabe: i thought you would take it as a compliment
Gabe: (because you are so dumb)
Gabe: you are America’s least appealing Roger Ailes
Gabe: narrowly beating out Roger Ailes
Kelly: I guess the only part I don’t understand about everything you’re saying is how E-Poll Market Research even knew to include me in that poll?
Gabe: oh i can answer that one: through their market research of the e-polls, duh
Kelly: Oh right.
Gabe: it’s weird that E-Poll Market Research didn’t find Rachel Bilson
Gabe: to be America’s most appealing celebrity
Gabe: she seems very appealing
Kelly: It’s weird that Robin Williams dropped out of the list since last year
Kelly: When I feel like he was just as appealing in each of those years
Gabe: how mad is he right now at Betty White?
Gabe: A: very mad
Gabe: he’s at home making some very angry phone calls
Kelly: His assistant is going to need at the very least 3 glasses of wine tonight.
Kelly: “WHAT HAPPENED. FIGURE IT OUT.”
Gabe: it’s paradoxical because he would obviously do whatever it takes
Gabe: to reclaim his throne
Gabe: including the assassination of Betty White
Gabe: but that’s going to hurt his appeal
Gabe: AND THEREIN LIES THE RUB OR WHATEVER
Kelly: Sounds like somebody just wrote the plot to Catch-23
Kelly: I will donate $23 to your kickstarter
Gabe: thank you
Gabe: my web series Catch 23
Gabe: in which Robin Williams and Mackelmore conspire to murder Betty White
Gabe: who is played by Topanga
Gabe: is going to be available on all Android phones
Kelly: And its success will catapult you to the top of next year’s E-Poll Market Research “appeal” list.
Gabe: well, probably not me, but definitely Android’s operating system
Kelly: Android’s operating system, the cast of 1600 Penn, Ryan Lewis, and Betty White
Gabe: and Hannah Simone