That’s Your Egg Cooking Machine

Gabe Delahaye | March 28, 2013 - 11:48 am

In my house, eggs are a weekend thing. Most Saturdays and Sundays you can find me cooking eggs, LOL. I make a pretty good omelette. In one pan I’ll cook up some red onions, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, red pepper, and spinach, and then I will fold those into my omelette along with some cheese. The end result is a delicious, golden omelette that is not overcooked or anything. (Although, of course, it is not the traditional French omelette, with nothing inside and simply a dusting of herbs over the top. But guess what? WE DON’T LIVE IN FRANCE, DUDE.) Sometimes if I don’t feel like making an omelette I will just fry up some eggs, maybe with some cooked tomato and cilantro, and if there are any Morning Star Farms breakfast sausage patties in the freezer I will make a couple of those. Sundays, if I’ve had a reasonable week, I will also prepare two Trader Joe’s blueberry waffles, with fruit and real maple syrup. But that is a special treat, I don’t get to have that every Sunday, be realistic. Anyway, that just gives you a sense of what my relationship with eggs is like. I wanted you to see what a normal, adult human being did when they ate eggs. Can you tell how that is different from how you eat eggs? With your weird fucking egg tube on a stick cooker that you bought off the Internet? Seriously, I cannot believe that you use this thing to make eggs, but to each his/her own!

I just think it’s gross that you make eggs this way and then eat those eggs, but if it makes you happy, then I support it. All I want is for you to be happy and also eggs on the weekend and also $$$$ and also waffles if I’ve been good and also to own my own home one day! But mostly I just want you to be happy. (Via Dlisted.)