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What Is SuperGenius Ashton Kutcher Plotting Against Us?!

By Gabe Delahaye / March 21, 2013 - 2:00 pm

There is an interview with Ashton Kutcher in the latest issue of Elle magazine, because if there is one thing that the women of America want it is to hear what Ashton thinks about the process of acting! He mostly talks about how he wants to keep things in his private life private, which makes for a fun read. “Oh! He has boundaries? Neat. Let me keep reading him talk about how he’s going to respect those boundaries.” Magazines, you guys. It’s crazy that people talk about print dying because as far as I can tell print is PERFECT. Anyway, interviews are pretty whatever in general because as far as I know my landlord does not accept half-funny anecdotes I read in interviews as rent payment, but Ashton Kutcher did say one thing I found pretty disturbing:

As for Kutcher, he says he’s learned to use people’s low expectations to his advantage. “People fill in the blanks really fast. They go, ‘Oh my God, he’s on a show and [plays] stupid, so he must be stupid.’ I can’t control that, nor do I try to, nor do I want to. There’s something advantageous about having people underestimate your intellect, insomuch as a lot of things are revealed to you. They assume you don’t know what you’re talking about, then all of a sudden, you do. And the next thing you know, you have information you wouldn’t normally have.”

He’s been some kind of idiot sleeper cell this whole time?! He plays dumb on television in order to collect information? ON WHOM? AND TO DO WHAT WITH? This is very unsettling. I do not like this at all. Is this what The Americans is about? This is probably what The Americans is about. PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU ARE TALKING TO ASHTON KUTCHER, EVERYBODY. WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH INFORMATION TO AIRLIFT HIM TO A BLACK SITE BUT WE HAVE SERIOUS SUSPICIONS ABOUT HIS ACTIVITY IN THIS COUNTRY AND AS A MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY WE ASK EVERYONE TO STOP TALKING TO HIM EVEN IF, NO, ESPECIALLY IF YOU THINK HE’S DUMB.