Taylor just wanted to tell us first, because we have been so amazing. Her multi-million dollar partnership deal with Diet Coke wouldn’t be possible without all of the love and support of her fans, and we could not be happier to see two of our favorite things, Taylor Swift and Diet Coke, coming together in holy matrimony. Amen. OK, LISTEN, TAYLOR SWIFT HAS SOME PERFECTLY DECENT SONGS AND DIET COKE IS A DRINK BUT THIS VIDEO IS THE MAIN REASON WE NEED TO SHUT DOWN THE INTERNET. IT’S ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT I AM SORRY. THE INTERNET IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. DIET COKE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. TAYLOR SWIFT DOESN’T CARE IF YOUR HAND GETS CHOPPED OFF AND YOU LIGHT YOUR FACE ON FIRE. THE IMPLICATION THAT BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT THEY ARE THEREFORE MORE HUMAN IS NOT TRUE. EVEN TOTAL ASSHOLES CAN HAVE TWITTER ACCOUNTS, THEY ARE FREE. DIET COKE SPONSORING TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT EVEN THE PROBLEM! GO AHEAD! SPONSOR HER! IT MAKES SENSE! SHE IS A VERY SUCCESSFUL MUSICIAN AND YOU ARE A VERY SUCCESSFUL KIND OF COKE! BUT PLEASE DO NOT TREAT US LIKE WE ARE ALL THE STUPIDEST ASSHOLES IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD. SOME OF US ARE BUT NOT ALL OF US, OK? AND YOU KNOW WHAT: NO ONE WOULD BUY LESS TAYLOR SWIFT RECORDS OR LESS DIET COKE IF YOU TREATED US LIKE INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SCARED THAT THE ONLY WAY TO GET US TO BUY YOUR STUFF IS TO TREAT US LIKE SOFT-BRAINED BABY DUMB DUMBS. WE HAVE FRIENDS, OK? WE KNOW WHAT FRIENDSHIP LOOKS LIKE. AND FRIENDSHIP, ON THE WHOLE, IS NOT VIDEOTAPED “FAKE CASUAL” IN A PUBLICIST’S OFFICE AFTER 30 MINUTES IN THE MAKE UP CHAIR TO GET “FRESH FACE NATURAL” FOR THE BIG “DIET COKE BUZZ BLAST.” YOU ALSO USED THE WORD “EXTRAORDINARY” WRONG. The point is: fuck this video so much.
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