The Perfect Crime: Sleeping In The Iowa City Library

By Gabe Delahaye / January 17, 2013

A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away. So why steal them? Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to sleep in the Iowa City library.

ATTENTION COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you put your head down on the desk in the Iowa City library you WILL be treated as if you are homeless. ATTENTION HOMELESS: if you sleep in the Iowa City library you WILL be treated like a college student. ATTENTION IOWA CITY NEWS: if there’s nothing to talk about in Iowa City you CAN talk about things that are happening in other parts of the world.