Everyone Is Obsessed With My Robotic Spider Dress

Kelly Conaboy | January 15, 2013 - 12:00 pm

Oh my god, look at everyone! It’s like no one can take their eyes off of my robotic spider dress, not even for one second! When I bought it — Well, I guess the story really begins when I saw it in the window of what seemed, at first, to be a little nightmare shop covered in spiderwebs, crawling with bugs, definitely haunted. And it seemed like there was blood everywhere? And also garbage, but like, not normal garbage. (You know?) “Ah!” Ha-ha, that’s what I shouted when I first came across the shop, foolishly, but soon I was beckoned in by a beautiful stranger. “I have just the dress for you,” she purred, and suddenly the room began to spin. “Wow, this shop is fun!” is that last thing I remember thinking before waking up in my own bed with the robotic spider dress, as I soon found out, permanently affixed to my body. “This is great,” I thought. “Now I have something to wear to the ball and I never have to try to put together an outfit again!” Oh anyway, what I was saying was that when I first saw the dress I knew it would be a head-turner, but this? My goodness, it must be the most beautiful dress any of these people have ever seen! Could it be the way the dress moves unexpectedly? Like, when you first see it you think, “My, what a wonderful gown,” and then you think, “Oh, and how it moves! Like a fucking spider!”? Could it be the fact that it reminds everyone of their waking nightmares? Who knows what everyone finds so captivating about my robotic spider dress, and who cares! The important thing is that I have their full attention.

I know I should tell them about the shop, but a girl has to have a few secrets. (Via LaughingSquid.)