Are You America’s Next Top Space Bachelor?

By Kelly Conaboy / January 10, 2013

This is the true story of an unspecified amount of strangers, picked through a televised contest to travel to Mars, colonize it together and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite…and start getting real left on Mars with “no plans to return the pioneers to Earth.” (AHHHHHHH!!!!!) From MSNBC:

The Netherlands-based nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to put the first boots on the Red Planet in 2023, released its basic astronaut requirements on Tuesday, setting the stage for a televised global selection process that will begin later this year.

Mars One isn’t zeroing in on scientists or former fighter pilots; anyone who is at least 18 years old can apply to become a Mars colony pioneer. The most important criteria, officials say, are intelligence, good mental and physical health and dedication to the project, as astronauts will undergo eight years of training before launch.

Mars One plans to launch a series of robotic cargo missions between 2016 and 2021, which will build a habitable Red Planet outpost ahead of the arrival of the first four colonists in 2023. More settlers will arrive every two years after that. There are no plans to return the pioneers to Earth.

I realize that is a big pull quote, BUT THERE IS SO MUCH INSANE INFORMATION INCLUDED IN IT! Anyone can apply to go as long as you are 18, and then you sign your life away to getting shipped off to Mars and NEVER returning to Earth and maybe just dying because who ever said you could live on Mars in the first place? And then your corpse would just float around in space? WHERE DO I SIGN UP? I hate this so much! Here is a video that talks about it, because I cannot even anymore:

A reality competition funded by its own spectacle and private donors to send a bunch of randoms to live on Mars for the rest of their lives. That sounds exactly right. #2013. Suzanne Flinkenflögel, Mars One’s communications director, says, “We are working hard to launch our selection campaign as soon as possible, to open the doors to everyone who aspires to do something tremendous in their lifetime.” So. Good luck! (And good luck to Mars One!) (I’m sure this will all work perfectly!) (Via WarmingGlow.)