Vin Diesel’s Scalp Typecast For Kojak Remake
Two screenwriters have been hired to write a script for a Kojak remake to star Vin Diesel. Perfect! America’s children are like “We are on board!” Kojak, of course, was a popular television series starring Telly Savalas that ended in 1978. So, just to put things in perspective, Hollywood is breathing new life into a 34-year-old franchise just because Vin Diesel shaved his head? Guys! The world is your oyster! There are other ideas in the sea! I’m not saying that America isn’t just ripping its clothes off as it tears down the center lane of the nation’s great highways, frothing at the mouth for a new Kojak reboot, but it does seem like pretty thin soup. What was that conversation like at the movie studio?
Executive 1: We want to make a movie with Vin Diesel, but he doesn’t have any hair.
Executive 2: Well, it can’t be a Die Hard reboot because Bruce Willis is still alive.
Executive 1: Oh well, I guess nothing then?
Executive 2: Wait, I have an idea, what about Kojak?
Executive 1: What’s Kojak?
Executive 2: I don’t know. No one does. Everyone who remembers it has died.
In other news: still waiting to hear if Hollywood will greenlight my reboot of Tales from the Crypt starring the dessicated corpse of some famous actor it literally doesn’t matter which one let’s just dig one up $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.