A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Marrying Cardboard Edward Cullen For Art
Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: Fine! How are you?
Kelly: Still shaken from the crime you witnessed?
Gabe: i’m somehow managing to keep it together
Gabe: i’ve got a lot of inner strength
Gabe: but also it was very shitty
Gabe: of that stupid woman
Gabe: but i think she will get caught
Gabe: so that is good
Kelly: That is good.
Gabe: it’s hard to drive around
Gabe: in a completely smashed truck
Gabe: with smoke pouring out of it
Gabe: i think? or maybe everyone is too JADED now
Gabe: because it’s the 90s
Kelly: Hahah maybe
Kelly: It at least might be a hard thing to ignore
Kelly: If you are a police officer
Kelly: And it matches the description of the truck you’re looking for
Gabe: “you’re not the truck that smashed into someone five minutes ago are you?”
Gabe: “no sir, this truck has always been like this”
Kelly: “Oh, this? I know, I’ve been meaning to get it fixed.”
Kelly: “Thanks officer”
Gabe: “well, i’ll just be on my way!”
Kelly: At the very least I hope she reads Videogum.
Gabe: she’s going to be very embarrased
Gabe: at this week’s monsters’ ball
Gabe: when her comment “that was me!” gets lowest rated
Kelly: Speaking of very embarrassed, did you read about the Twilight fan who is marrying the cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen for her masters thesis
Kelly: I am very embarrassed
Kelly: That I did not nail down that cutout first
Gabe: well, you aren’t an artist
Kelly: That’s true
Gabe: i love that she is raising money for this
Gabe: great cause
Gabe: is all of the damage from hurricane sandy repaired? ok good
Gabe: let’s give this fucking dumb dumb some money to marry a cardboard edward cullen because of Las Vegas
Kelly: I honestly don’t understand what the message is
Kelly: Which might be on me
Kelly: But I thought at first it was about how Edward Cullen was a fantasy that could never be attained
Kelly: Which is so true
Kelly: But then also
Kelly: It’s about how “female fandom gets dismissed”
Kelly: which is, I don’t know, what?
Kelly: What is this art.
Gabe: well, what is any art
Gabe: but also
Gabe: if you want to make the argument that female fandom gets dismissed
Gabe: whatever that argument even means
Gabe: i would not start with twilight
Gabe: i feel like twilight is the footnote to your argument
Gabe: where you have to “admittedly, it is not always dismissed, as in the case of this case.”
Gabe: *I know how to write smart*
Kelly: Hahah yes right
Gabe: also, i understand that edward cullen is a fantasy that can never be attained
Gabe: but also isn’t that basically ALL FICTION?
Gabe: it’s all made up, does she know that?
Gabe: she should marry a cardboard cut out of The Berenstain Bears
Kelly: Especially fiction about things that literally do not exist
Kelly: No one will ever find the perfect vampire edward cullen to turn them into a vampire
Kelly: So they can have a baby and it marries a werewolf someday
Gabe: NO SPOILERS
Gabe: just kidding, twilight is itself a spoiler
Gabe: IN THAT IT RUINS EVERYTHING
Kelly: hahaha EWWWWWW lol
Gabe: here are a few things i don’t understand:
Kelly: 1. Math
Gabe: 1. why a cardboard cut out
Gabe: 2. why marriage
Gabe: 3. how is that art
Gabe: 4. what is this
Gabe: 5. why are we talking about it
Gabe: 6. who is president
Gabe: 7. how many fingers are you holding up
Kelly: I would like to add
Kelly: 8. What is she raising money for?
Kelly: 9. She says she is planning a honeymoon. Is she going to GO ON the honeymoon?
Gabe: oh yeah
Gabe: why does she need money?
Kelly: What is this quote about: “A few of my ex-boyfriends found out and they’re surprised I’m taking things this far, but they’ve always known I’m a massive romantic”?
Kelly: “Well, I am surprised you’re marrying a cardboard cutout for school, but you have always been a massive romantic.” -ex-boyfriends
Gabe: “i like long walks on the beach and marrying card board cut outs for art class.”
Gabe: a few of her ex-boyfriends found out
Gabe: but some of them are in for a big surprise
Gabe: although not that big, since she has always been a massive romantic
Gabe: doesn’t she mean hopeless romantic?
Gabe: she should go back to WORDS SCHOOL
Kelly: And marry a cardboard cutout of the DICTIONARY
Kelly: “It’s a beautiful, escapist fantasy, and I’m living it”
Kelly: whaaaaat are you taaaaalking abooouuuut!
Gabe: i feel like this is actually an art instillation
Gabe: about confusion and stupidity
Gabe: and she is getting an A+
Kelly: Maybe it’s an art installation about how blogs react to certain types of stories and this is just blog bait and now we’re a part of the art
Kelly: :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/ :-/
Gabe: maybe i am an artist and i have been using you for my art the whole time like in that neil labute play and now i am a thesis
Kelly: !!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :( :(
Kelly: NOW I’LL NEVER KNOW IF ANYTHING ISN’T ART
Gabe: life is art, kelly, grab it with both hands
Gabe: my piece is titled “You’re Fired” (mixed media, 2008-2014)
Kelly: :( it’s beautiful.
Kelly: Well, you know, I think the real triumph of Lauren Adkins project is that she’s got us talking about art.
Gabe: hate her or hate her
Gabe: she’s getting a reaction
Gabe: of confused and annoyed mild-hatred
Gabe: that’s all an artist can hope for
Gabe: that and fulfilling their kickstarter goals