Teen Korner: Don’t “Milk” Yourself

By Gabe Delahaye / November 30, 2012

Chumbawumba, y’all!

Listen up all you dudes who are trying to eat less meat and all you young women who took a Krav Maga seminar at the Community Center last year, today I want to rap at you about a very dangerous trend: milking. Have you heard of it? It’s terrible. Don’t even hear about it. Let’s just drink some POM brand pomegranate juice. But no, ignorance is not an option, not in this and not in any other part of your life stay in school. As Matt Stone, the creator of South Park, famously said: those who don’t learn about history are going to do it. XBOX Kinnect. So, milking, it is where you take a gallon of milk or really any amount of milk and you pour it over your head. The end. Is this what Rhodes Scholars do? Is this what Presidential Fitness Exam silver-star winners do? Is this what Scat Cat does? No. Winners don’t milk. Be a winner.

Let this video be a warning to you, dogs:

This isn’t even a thing. It’s just a few bad kids in Newcastle. Why are they always “milking” themselves in front of restaurants? Why is that such an important part of it? Starving children in Ethiopia. Finish your peas. Your mother and I milk each other because we’re adults and that’s different. I don’t care what Brad’s parents say. If Brad was going to milk off a cliff, would you milk too? Well, life isn’t fair. Go do your homework. No more buts, mister! (Via Gawker.)