The Perfect Crime: Gas Station Mirror iPad
Be careful out there, you guys! In this local news report from NBC5 in whatever city, the latest crime wave in which dudes at gas stations offer to sell iPads at greatly reduced but surprisingly not that reduced prices that then turn out to actually be mirrors wrapped up in Best Buy circulars and duct tape are ruining Christmas for everyone! Before we even get to the video, let me please just make this very clear: if a dude comes up to you at a GAS STATION and asks “Do you want to buy an iPad?” you can say yes in the general sense if that is the truth, but don’t buy HIS iPad because he is just a dude at a gas station and that is not how we do things, y’all! (One thing that is weirdly never mentioned in this NEWS STORY is the fact that even if this woman did buy a real iPad from a dude at a gas station at a greatly reduced but surprisingly not that reduced price and it was NOT a mirror wrapped up in a Best Buy circular and duct tape, that is still some shady shit and almost certainly involves a couple of different crimes. The mirror thing is funny and a bummer for her, but that is, like, the 190th problem with this whole thing.) Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with the victim and her mother and her sister and their Hyundai during this difficult time.
Why does everyone keep saying that this “sounds too good to be true”?! Does it? Does it sound too good to be true? That a random stranger would approach you in a gas station and offer to sell you an iPad out of the trunk of his car? “ARE YOU SURE, MISTER? BECAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER DOING ANY GOOD DEEDS THAT WOULD REQUIRE GOD TO BLESS ME WITH THIS INCREDIBLE GIFT!” That is like describing a Nigerian scam email as being “too good to be true.” It doesn’t sound that good! I don’t know any princes or orphans and I am not in the habit of wiring thousands of dollars to foreign countries to kick off a transactional relationship! (Although I am always fascinated by stories of the people who actually get sucked into those things. Like, who sends their “boyfriend” that they’ve never met $25,000 to “buy dynamite”?) Too good to be true is, like, your boss walks in and says that they have decided to double your salary as long as you stop coming into the office and doing any work. THAT sounds too good to be true, but at least you KNOW THE FUCKING DUDE and HAVE HIS CONTACT INFORMATION. Oh well, I guess you can sort of see how this lady got suckered since the iPad was in its original FED EX BOX STUFFED WITH NEWSPAPERS! Ahhhhhh! Hahhahaha! This story! This lady! Your girlfriend! LOL! (Via Dlisted.)