Examining The Thought Process Behind Screaming At Jay-Z (Or Anyone) Because You See Them And They Are Famous

By Gabe Delahaye / October 8, 2012

“Here I am, just minding my own business as we all do as I head to work and/or the store or whatever. Maybe I have my headphones on so that I can listen to some music during my commute. That always makes the time go by a little bit faster and it also quiets some of my over-active thinking. Hey, there seems to be quite a crowd forming up ahead, I wonder what all of the commotion is about. I’m a curious person, and I’m always excited when the dull conformity of the quotidian experience is broken up by a novel and unexpected experience, so I will go over and see what is happening. Boy, there sure are a lot of people all screaming and frothing like a bunch of animals, whatever could they be so excited about? Oh my goodness! That’s Jay-Z! (Or another celebrity!) I enjoy his work very much! (Or I don’t enjoy his/her work at all, but I do still recognize him/her because he/she is famous!) I wish there was a way for me to convey to him the excitement that I feel at seeing someone famous, as well as the way in which seeing someone famous makes me feel like I, too, am special and that my life is not simply a grinding and exhausting experience in futility interspersed with far too rare moments of genuine joy. But, of course, he is a human being, and not only that, but a human being who I enjoy and respect, as previously mentioned, and therefore the only way that I could properly and adequately express all of these emotions that I have is to sit down with him one on one, maybe over a glass of wine or a cup of good coffee, and just explain to him all of these emotions welling up inside of me. Let me first just make eye contact with him and see if our eye contact inspires him to invite me over to his home for an hour or so of mutual appreciation. Hmm, he doesn’t seem to be making a lot of eye contact with people. I totally understand, this whole situation is very overwhelming. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to not be able to leave the house without being thronged by mobs of admirers with little to no self-control. It seems great to someone like me, who lives such an ordinary life, to be so rich and beloved, but perhaps if I were to imagine this as a constant then I could start to see how it is truly alienating, claustrophobic, and insufferable, and an almost unbearable psychological strain and if you think about this for long enough it becomes an almost intolerable idea to add yourself to that overwhelming, entitled, deafening and aggressive cacophony. Well, OK, but it looks like coffee and/or a glass of wine is out of the question, at least on this particular interaction. And yet, I am still completely overwhelmed by my need and desire to connect with this man and transmute some degree of my internal chaos. So, you know what? Fuck it. I’m just going to shriek in his fucking face.”

Examining the Thought Process Behind Jay-Z Deciding to Take the Subway: “I’m about to make a huge mistake!” (Via Gawker.)