Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Gabe Delahaye | September 21, 2012 - 5:30 pm

Oh my God, we didn’t even talk about the iPhone 5 today! Just kidding. I mean, we didn’t. That was not a joke. We really didn’t. But what is there to say about it? Something about maps? Cool. Work it out. Not very long ago, a map was a thing you had to buy at a gas station and leave in the weird plastic side pocket of your car door where it would get ripped and stained and stuck together and eventually you’d throw it out along with a handful of receipts and some empty Diet Coke cans. Stop complaining. Also this is a blog about movies and TV, OK? The iPhone 5 is neither of those things. DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t say anything about it. Hush now. WEEKEND!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Celebrity/Hero Impersonators Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 topknot | Sep 18th Score:39

Maybe it’ll help bring them back together:

Posted in: Who Should Play Mitt And Ann Romney In The Inevitable Movie Of Their Life?
#4 topknot | Sep 17th Score:39

Oshkosh B’Gotcha Journalism.

Posted in: TV News Reporter Mercilessly Ridicules Baby
#3 Miss Rabbit | Sep 18th Score:45

I really hope Apple’s teenage rebellion involves a juggalo phase

Posted in: A Completely Unsurprising Fact About Gwyneth Paltrow REVEALED!
#2 Wynn Duffy’s Mustache | Sep 17th Score:46

Not a Macfarlane fan but he sort of nailed it?

Posted in: Saturday Night Live: Seth MacFarlane And Frank Ocean
#1 facetaco | Sep 18th Score:53

That’s because this site is frequented by lazy liberals who have nothing better to do while they’re sitting around collecting handouts.

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Mitt Romney, Like All Politicians, Is An Asshole

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Can you even believe that a comment praising Seth MacFarlane is number two in the top five comments this week?! What a world! He did do a good job, though! So congratulations to him and also to the rest of you guys. HAVE A NICE WEEKEND!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 eldave | Sep 17th Score:-10
Nice, grandpa, an opportunity to jab a Kardashian when there is not even really a Kardashian involved. Another link in the chain of your shackle of Kardashian tyranny. I’m gonna tell you right now, grandpa, this is going to come back on you tenfold. Yeah, tenfold of the misdirected hatred of a bitchy weblogger! Whatever that would mean. I’m sure it’s pretty unbearable. I also don’t want to defend a Kardashian (or certainly be all serious), but Gabe has led me to create the KDFfKOTK (Kardashian Defense Fund for Kardashians Other Than Khloe [because she’s a man and she can take care of herself, that’s why!]) I will accept donations, 10% of which will go toward defending these poor innocents from the likes of grandpas Gabe & Donald. 10% will go to that weird pants charity (like leopard-print spandex isn’t expensive. Maybe you ladies shouldn’t have spent all your skrilla on those leopard print spandex pants. Also, shop at H&M like the rest of us poor people who want to look appropriate for work.) The rest will go toward compensating eldave for his troubles.
Posted in: Oh To Be A Fly On The Wall During This Conversation

[Ed. Note: What?]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

topknot | Sep 18th Score:29

This one is the saddest:

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Celebrity/Hero Impersonators

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, topknot! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

Kate | Sep 18th Score:39

I’m so tired of the right wingers “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” argument for the disadvantaged in our country. They forget that there are too many born with no bootstraps, or they have bootstraps for a while but then cancer takes them away, or the bootstraps they have are no longer enough to pull them up.

Anybody know what are bootstraps?

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Mitt Romney, Like All Politicians, Is An Asshole

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Give it up for moms, everybody.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

That One | Sep 19th Score:25

The headphones represent the ancient Greek god Beatsbydreisus, who in modern contemporary existential narrative theory, is (and this is a rough translation) the God Of Fools.

Notice the symmetry of the figures in the background. Nearly every one is facing away from us, the audience, with the subtle exception of the man in the suit, who appears to be staring right at us, who Scott and Lindelof obviously mean to represent almost a Big Brother figure, watching us while we futilely attempt to work out the truth.

However, there is one figure that stands out in this cinematic representation of a very real shell game: the man closest to the Engineer, the man with access to the most potential insight into mankind’s origin. What is he doing? Is he purposely ignoring the representative of the Creator Deities? No, he is engaged with humankind, oblivious to the mad beatz that our creators will someday spin.

Posted in: That’s Your DJ: The Engineer From Prometheus

[Ed. Note: More thought was put into the writing of this comment than was put into the movie Prometheus, and for that it deserves special recognition. But shout out to another great BLOOKHEAD comment this week, too.]