A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Martha Stewart Doesn’t Like Jennifer Aniston’s SmartWater Commercial
Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: what’s up?
Kelly: Is anything up with you?
Gabe: not too much
Gabe: still thinking about the Revolution pilot
Gabe: WHAT IS IN THE COMPUTER?!
Gabe: hatches on hatches on hatches
Kelly: Oh, sure. It’s one of those things that you’re going to have to watch a few times to really “get”
Gabe: you’re probably right
Kelly: I think so
Gabe: i don’t mind though
Gabe: it’s sooooo great i’m so happy to watch it 100 times
Kelly: That’s great!
Kelly: You have to take happiness where you can get it in this world.
Gabe: you really do, and i take it in rewatching the Revolution pilot
Gabe: well, this has been another great chat, i guess i will talk to you later
Kelly: Stay and talk to meeeeeee
Kelly: I wanna chaaaaaaatttuhhhh
Gabe: about what?
Gabe: the revolution pilot?
Gabe: where did that one girl get a tin star wars lunchbox?
Gabe: she was, like, seven in 2012
Kelly: WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE REVOLUTION PILOT ENOUGH!
Kelly: Let’s talk about something I am interested in
Kelly: Like, I don’t know, Jennifer Aniston
Kelly: Did you see her new Smartwater commercial?
Gabe: oof, yeah
Gabe: good commercial!
Gabe: one of the best commercials
Kelly: I really like how she takes on, like, EVERY rumor without fear.
Kelly: The rumor of how she’s pregnant, the rumor of how she wears a wig, the rumor of how she crashes a car, the rumor of how Jimmy Kimmel is her son
Kelly: And the rumor of how her other son is an alien
Kelly: All the big ones
Gabe: so many great rumors helping us to enjoy a great water
Kelly: “These rumors are makin’ me thirsty!”
Gabe: if there’s one thing that i enjoy as much as water with electrolytes in it
Gabe: it’s poorly written and executed parodic humor about celebrity gossip
Gabe: and now i can have both in one ad!
Kelly: It’s perfect
Kelly: Mad Men everywhere will be studying it for years
Kelly: But guess who doesn’t like it
Kelly: Times up
Kelly: MARTHA STEWART
Kelly: Of course
Gabe: WHY NOT?
Kelly: Of course Martha Stewart has a problem with it.
Gabe: IT’S PERFECT!
Gabe: i’m just glad that the news stayed on top of what martha stewart thought about the jennifer aniston smart water commercial
Gabe: GET THAT SCOOP, JOURNALISTS!
Kelly: It seems like she was on the Today show this morning JUST to talk about it?
Kelly: I don’t know
Kelly: But she revealed that she doesn’t like Jennifer’s SmartWater commercial on the Today show this morning because she thinks it sets a bad example for the youth of America
Kelly: re: wrapping a pregnant stomach
Gabe: you know what else sets a bad example?
Gabe: going to jail
Kelly: GOTCHA MARTH
Gabe: if you live in a glass JAIL don’t throw stones
Gabe: wait, Martha Stewart is 71?
Kelly: No way
Gabe: WHAT IS IN THOSE CAKES SHE IS BAKING?!
Kelly: Is she really 71?
Kelly: Maybe she’s lying about her age, like actresses do.
Gabe: we share a birthday
Kelly: Aww, congrats!
Gabe: the exact same day
Gabe: and year
Kelly: You should ask her how she stays so young looking!
Gabe: no wonder she doesn’t like that commercial
Gabe: i mean, yes, the commercial is completely awful
Gabe: but also she is 71
Gabe: she probably doesn’t like anything
Gabe: she probably thinks Maroon 5 sounds like “pots and pans banging together”
Gabe: when in truth
Gabe: they are a hot new band playing music for today
Kelly: You’re probably right, I think you’ve gotten to the bottom of the whole thing
Kelly: It only took one quick google
Kelly: To figure out why Martha is being such an insufferable bitch about Jennifer Aniston’s new perfect SmartWater ad
Gabe: got a question?
Gabe: ask Google
Gabe: [SPONSORED BY BING]