A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: James Franco’s Former Professor Is Suing Him!
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: hey Gabe!
Gabe: how’s it going?
Kelly: It’s going pretty well! How’s it going with you?
Gabe: fine, thanks
Kelly: Are you feeling OK? I know you had a cold yesterday.
Gabe: please keep my medical history PRIVATE
Gabe: would you like it if told everyone
Gabe: about the warts on your eyes?
Gabe: that is between you and your doctor and me
Kelly: Gabe!!!!! The warts on my eyes and you having a cold are two totally different things!
Gabe: we will let the people decide what is the same and what is different now
Gabe: according to Judge Kelly
Gabe: who allows bloggers into the courtroom, apparently
Kelly: Now I’m not even sure if I’m Judge Kelly of if I’m just a blogger in the courtroom
Gabe: me neither
Gabe: you better go to jail just in case
Kelly: ok, goodbye!
Gabe: bye great talking to you feel better put some cream on it
Kelly: Before I go to jail though, is it ok if we talk about James Franco one last time
Gabe: oh please, let’s
Gabe: your final chat before the green miles
Kelly: Gabe, you cannot talk about the Green Mile right now!
Gabe: not making lazy references to the green mile in iChat isn’t going to bring Michael Clarke Duncan back, Kelly
Kelly: Well now we’ll never know, will we.
Kelly: In any case
Kelly: JAMES FRANCO IS BEING SUED!
Gabe: uh oh
Gabe: well, at least he’s probably a lawyer too and can represent himself in court?
Kelly: I’ll have to check into that but it sounds right
Gabe: “I am studying to become judge, jury, and executioner and also making a documentary about that and also gay porn and here’s a painting of a poem i made and also i made you a cappucino from the beans I grew.”
Gabe: that is him making his final arguments
Gabe: who is suing him?
Gabe: and for what?
Kelly: I’m so glad you asked.
Kelly: Remember when his acting professor gave him a D?
Gabe: hahahaha WHO COULD FORGET
Gabe: hold on, let me just pull up
Gabe: my franco google doc
Gabe: where i keep a calendar
Gabe: of all the franco events
Kelly: It was December of last year
Kelly: If that helps
Kelly: Well that acting professor’s contract with NYU wasn’t picked up again or whatever
Kelly: And now he’s suing James Franco
Gabe: well, good, i guess? I hope he wins it sounds like the trial of the century
Gabe: it is OUR generation’s OJ vs. Jon Benet Ramsey trial
Kelly: Still so crazy how that one turned out
Gabe: who could have believed it was the butler in the drawing room with candlestick
Kelly: MOVING ON.
Kelly: Well here’s the thing about it
Kelly: NYU is saying that they let him go because he told the press or whatever that James Franco got a D in his class because he missed 12 out of 14 classes
Kelly: And HE is saying that they let him go because he wasn’t nice enough to James Franco
Kelly: And now JAMES FRANCO is saying in interviews that he was the worst teacher ever and will never get a teaching job again because he was so bad
Kelly: And now the teacher is suing James Franco
Kelly: Quite a complicated case I do not know how the courts will handle it we’ll have to stay tuned
Gabe: this is one of those weird situations where
Gabe: i genuinely get kind of anxious
Gabe: not about how it is going to turn out
Gabe: i don’t care
Gabe: i hope they all get the death penalty
Gabe: but just, like
Gabe: on the one hand it sounds like this guy might have lost his job because of something to do with james franco one way or the other
Gabe: on the other hand celebrities do make easier targets for frivolous and/or predatory lawsuits
Gabe: so i don’t know WHO to trust!
Gabe: i guess our only hope is that it will go to the supreme court
Gabe: and they will make a landmark decision on whether or not
Gabe: celebrities are to blame for everything
Kelly: It’s sad that it will finally come to that but it is also sad that it HAS to.
Gabe: it’s all going to come down to Justice Stevens AS USUAL who will make the deciding vote on whether or not to repeal James Franco
Gabe: or to uphold him
Kelly: Or to rip off his mask and reveal himself as having been the real James Franco the whole time
Gabe: hang that mask up in the museum
Kelly: Next to James Franco’s millions of report cards.
Gabe: and it will be called artFAIL
Kelly: And no one will go to it
Kelly: Because the doors will be locked
Gabe: it closes three days before it opens
Gabe: with musical performances by Mr. Brainwash
Gabe: just kidding
Gabe: with musical performances by James Franco
Gabe: well, i hope everything works out for everybody and that the guy who may or may not be a bad teacher finds a happy and fulfilling life outside of NYU and that James Franco continues his education and earns his degree in Planet of the Apes 2: Planeter of the Apeser
Kelly: Well said. CASE CLOSED!
Gabe: SUSTAINED NO APPEALS