A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Joan Rivers’ Costco Book Protest
Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: What’s new?
Gabe: new new new
Gabe: new new new new new
Kelly: Uhoh are you broken
Gabe: let me think
Gabe: NEW WHAT IS NEW THINK DELAHAYE
Gabe: well, good talk
Kelly: No news is good news. Have a good night!
Gabe: always great catching up with you
Kelly: Back at ya
Kelly: You didn’t ask me what was new with me, but if you were to ask I would’ve told you that I just found out that my Kindle is broken.
Gabe: that’s more about what’s old with you
Gabe: your kindle
Gabe: is old
Gabe: that’s so sad, and right when you were going to find out
Gabe: WHO WAS THE HUNGER GAME?!
Kelly: Don’t even remind me, I’m already sad enough.
Kelly: Please do not spoil it for me in case I ever get another eReader.
Kelly: Speaking of books, Joan Rivers has a book. Have you read it?
Gabe: wait, no
Kelly: Sure or no?
Gabe: i misunderstood what you said
Gabe: i thought you said
Gabe: speaking of books, joan rivers has a book, will you never read it?
Kelly: Haha, oh, all right.
Gabe: i like joan rivers
Gabe: but i hate books
Gabe: so choices have to be made
Kelly: That’s just life, I guess.
Kelly: That’s why she made Joan Rivers: Piece Of Work.
Kelly: For you
Gabe: Joan Rivers: Piece Of Work: A Memoir Movie
Gabe: i mostly won’t read her book because i only shop at costco
Gabe: that is where i buy my meat and bullets and books
Kelly: Ahhh, that further explains it.
Kelly: Since Costco has banned Joan Rivers book it would be impossible for you to buy it anyway
Kelly: Of course, this is unless
Kelly: You were at the Burbank Costco the other day where she was selling her book herself in protest and got escorted out by police?
Gabe: that’s how you do it
Gabe: that’s how Charles Dickens and John Grisham got their start
Kelly: Grassroots publicity stunts are the key to any major literary success
Kelly: Her book has also been on the NYT bestseller list for the past 6 weeks
Gabe: oh joan
Gabe: i feel like there are a lot of throw pillows in her golden penthouse
Gabe: that say, like, “breathe” and “relax”
Gabe: and she is just constantly turning them over in disgust
Gabe: so she cannot see what they say
Kelly: That sounds right.
Gabe: i feel like everyone is at least a little scared of dying
Gabe: some people more or less so
Gabe: and as you get older you at least come to some kind of terms with it
Gabe: but watching joan rivers hustle
Gabe: makes me more scared of dying
Gabe: she gives me a contact high but for existential panic
Kelly: Oh, sure, I can see that.
Kelly: For me, watching Joan Rivers hustle only makes me scared of not having anyone to keep me from being crazy in public when I am elderly
Kelly: Put me in room and DO NOT give me a smartphone
Gabe: but she’s not being crazy
Gabe: she’s about as calculated as they come
Kelly: She is acting unhinged in a way that is unflattering, I think, even though it is certainly a calculated publicity stunt
Gabe: you’re just ageist
Gabe: i’m sure if your favorite band
Gabe: My Chemical Romance
Gabe: pulled a stunt like this
Kelly: SSHHHHHH GABE
Gabe: you’d love it
Gabe: i don’t think she’s unhinged, i do not agree with this reading
Kelly: Well, ok, I was wrong to link her being unhinged to her age
Kelly: I didn’t mean that the age led to the unhinged
Gabe: i think she is perpetually for her whole life and now as much as ever
Gabe: desperate for something that doesn’t exist
Gabe: and willing to do anything to get it
Gabe: but can’t get it
Gabe: because it’s a figment of her own imagination
Kelly: And is that not unhinged?
Gabe: everything she does is with a very clear and obivous purpose
Gabe: what’s unhinged about her?
Gabe: you can say that you find her behavior unflattering
Gabe: but that doesn’t make her behavior unhinged
Gabe: personally i don’t find it unflattering, just mildly upsetting
Gabe: because i want her to get what she wants but i also know that she never will
Kelly: Well her book has been a bestseller since it was released.
Kelly: Clearly that is not what she wants since she still put on this publicity stunt, but the desperate grasping for something that, like you said, will never exist
Kelly: It seems unhinged in a way that often people grasping for a hold on their last bits of their fame seem to become unhinged
Gabe: ok, but here is why i still do not know why you keep using that word
Kelly: To be honest I used that word first because I didn’t know we’d be debating about it for a long time.
Gabe: i don’t think she’s holding on to her last bit of fame
Gabe: if anything she’s in a moment of resurgence
Gabe: her book is on the best seller list
Gabe: she was on louie
Gabe: everyone loved that not-totally-flattering-but-fascinating-and-compelling documentary about her
Gabe: and i don’t think this publicity stunt is something she would never have done in the past
Gabe: i think it’s all of a piece
Gabe: you keep saying that word, though, you have never backed away from that word!
Gabe: it’s the only word you know
Kelly: Well I feel like I have to keep saying it because it’s what we’re talking about!
Gabe: and actually, here is why i think you’re being ageist
Kelly: I am so sorry
Kelly: I said the thing about when I am an old lady
Gabe: but i think that’s exactly what you meant!
Kelly: Oh do you
Gabe: i think there is something about this that bothers you
Gabe: because you don’t think old people should act this way
Gabe: or you think it’s particularly unbecoming
Gabe: when she does it because of her age
Kelly: No I don’t think people people should act this way.
Gabe: yes, of course
Gabe: i think this has more impact
Gabe: on you
Kelly: I don’t think it’s flattering to have to make something you’ve worked on into a forgotten publicity stunt
Gabe: well wait, now what are we even talking about
Kelly: THIS STUPID THING!
Gabe: a forgotten publicity stunt?
Gabe: i mean, the book is still the book
Gabe: and it is still on the best-seller
Kelly: I just mean that I don’t think this Costco thing is going to go down in history as an “oh that joan, what a card” moment.
Kelly: I think, like, TMZ is going to talk about it and then everyone is going to forget
Kelly: I don’t know, Gabe, I HONESTLY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
Gabe: you’re being very weird about this
Gabe: but i think it’s because we are circling the same idea
Gabe: which is that there is something in joan rivers’ unapologetic and unrelenting desire for attention that makes us uneasy
for me it makes me uneasy because what i see it as is an unending source of sadness and disappointment
Gabe: for you it makes you uneasy because you think publicity stunts should stand the test of time and that all old people are “unhinged”
Kelly: oh jesus
Gabe: “if only her publicity stunt wasn’t such a throwaway stunt, and had been built to last, like Improv Everywhere.”
Kelly: I quit!
Gabe: i accept your chat of resignation
Gabe: happy 23rd birthday
Gabe: good luck in law school!
Kelly: THANK YOU.