HOLY SMOKES! I’M SORRY IF YOU LIKE TO START YOUR WEEK OFF CALMLY, GENTLY EASING YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE INTENSE WONDER OF THE LIGHTENING-FAST WEEKEND AND BACK INTO THE DRAGGING GROOVE OF THE WORKWEEK, BUT THIS IS NEWS THAT JUST CANNOT WAIT! BUT PLEASE MAKE SURE, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, THAT YOU READY YOUR BODY AND MIND FOR THIS SHOCK BEFORE YOU READ ON. I WOULDN’T WANT ANYONE TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK OR AN ANEURYSM OR BURST KIDNEY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT JUST BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T PROPERLY PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR INCREDIBLE NEWS. AND ALTHOUGH IT COMES WITH THE TERRITORY (KRISTEN AND ROBERT RELATED NEWSTELLING), I WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE ANY HUMAN BLOOD ON MY TWILIGHT HANDS THIS MORNING. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I WOULD NOT LIKE YOUR EULOGY TO READ, “SO AND SO WAS FULL TO THE BRIM WITH LIFE AND A LOVE OF TWILIGHT, UNTIL SO AND SO GOT THE SHOCK OF THEIR LIVES ONE DAY WHEN THEY READ VIDEOGUM; AT LEAST THEY DIED DOING WHAT THEY LOVED: READING ABOUT KRIS AND ROB’S IRL RELATIONSHIP THAT ALMOST ALWAYS SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, EXCEPT IT IS TRUE.” I WOULD NOT LIKE TO INVOLVE MYSELF IN YOUR OTHERWISE PERFECT EULOGY. PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME. I TRUST THAT YOU HAVE PREPARED YOURSELF. WITH THAT IN MIND, HERE IS THE NEWS, FROM CELEBITCHY:
In rare unguarded moments for the fiercely private couple, they let themselves imagine life as parents. “They would talk about how they would raise their own children,” a set source tells Us Weekly. “Kristen would say, ‘Well, I’d never do this or that.’ Sometimes it would start off as a joke, but you knew they were really thinking about it.”
AHHHHH! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. “BUT WAS THERE EVER A TIME WHEN THEY WERE AT A FRIEND’S WEDDING AND KRISTEN STEWART TOUCHED SOMEONE’S PREGNANT STOMACH TO FEEL THE BABY KICK BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ‘SO COOL’?” WELL ACTUALLY IT’S FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT, BECAUSE…
And, when the couple — who has been together for three years — attended a friend’s wedding on June 23, they seemed more interested in what comes after marriage: the baby carriage.
“Kristen was talking to a pregnant guest and told her that she would love to have a baby with Rob,” says the source. “She thought it was so cool — at one point she touched the woman’s belly to feel the baby kick.”
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! BUT WHAT DOES ROBERT THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE BABY SITUATION?
Pattinson, for his part, has long known that Stewart is the mother of his future children.
“He is over-the-moon in love with Kristen,” says a Twilight source. “For him, she’s The One, so it’s just a matter of when they decide to have kids.”
NO. FREAKING. WAY. YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME. ABOUT. THIS. NEWS. I. CANNOT. HANDLE. THIS. RIGHT. NOW. I. HAVE. TO. GO. SIT. ALONE. FOR. A. WHILE. TO. SORT. OUT. MY. FEELINGS. GOODNIGHT.