You may have already heard the great news, but here’s the press release:
TONKA, the Hasbro brand that for 65 years has stood for its line of toy trucks for children, will bring its TONKA toughness to the big screen in a fully animated motion picture to be produced by Sony Pictures Animation, Hasbro and Happy Madison Productions.
Commenting on the announcement, [Sony Pictures Digital Productions president Bob] Osher said, “In its 65 years, TONKA has become more than a toy or a brand – TONKA trucks are a rite of passage for kids all around the world. Time spent with these toys creates memories that last a lifetime as kids are inspired to play using the boundaries of their imagination. We look forward to creating a family friendly motion picture that brings the TONKA experience to life.”
No official announcement on who will be directing the Tonka truck movie yet, but I’ve heard MIRANDA JULY is in TALKS. She’s the only one who can maintain the integrity of the Tonka artistic vision. Either her or Joel Schumacher, but someone like that. Someone like Miranda July or Joel Schumacher. Anyway, the news is great, pop champagne, and then follow the jump for our EXCLUSIVE look at the Tonka Truck screenplay!
INT. THE WHITE HOUSE – DAY
The joint chiefs of staff are standing nervously in the oval office as President Tonka Truck stares out the window, his hands clasped behind his back.
DEFENSE SECRETARY JONES
Mr. President, we only have a few hours left until impact. We need to evacuate now, sir.
VICE PRESIDENT DAVIES
Mr. President, if I may–
President Tonka opens a desk drawer and pulls out the Presidents’ Book of Secrets. He throws it in the garbage can. Hidden beneath the Presidents’ Book of Secrets is a BOTTLE OF WHISKEY. He pours some into a glass and stares into the glass.
SECRETARY OF STATE HILARY CLINTON (AS HERSELF)
The Vice President is right, if you don’t act quickly–
The joint chiefs of staff leave the room. A lone tear falls down President Tonka’s face as he pulls a photo of his wife and children from his breast pocket. His tears fall on the picture. “Life Is a Highway” plays in the background.
EXT. PLANET EARTH – DAY
The asteroid barrels towards the Earth. 5…4…3…2…our world as we know it has ended. The quiet expanse of space is ambivalent to our destruction. There is only nothing. Then: Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound is getting louder. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING
Tonka Truck wakes up and hits the snooze button on his alarm clock. He’s going to be late for work at the hospital.
Did you have the dream where you were president and the world was ending again?
Go back to sleep, dear.
INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Tonka Truck splashes some cold water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror.
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Tonka Truck eats a banana and a Nutragrain bar standing up at the marble island in the center of his well-appointed suburban kitchen. He pulls on his white lab coat and loops a stethoscope around his neck. We see him pull something from his coat pocket and press it to his face. His wife is leaning against the door frame in her neglige.
How long have you been standing there?
Tonka Truck turns and kisses his wife. He’s got a big red foam clown’s nose on his face.
I love you Dr. Patch Tonka Adams.
An asteroid hits the Earth and everyone dies. We hear a shaman’s voice.
The prophecy was truuuuuuuuue!
Fade to black.
What a great movie. Can’t wait to see how Hollywood honors it.