Imagine the most terrifying thing you could ever imagine. Are you doing it? I’ll wait until you think of it, I know it’s early. You there yet? Are you thinking of the possibility that a stranger will push you onto the subway tracks while you’re waiting for a train, for no reason at all and with no prior confrontation? You’re correct! You got it. That is definitely the most terrifying thing one* could ever imagine, in the whole world. But you’re thinking, “Sure, that’s the most terrifying thing I can think of, but we can’t waste our time worrying about things like that, because things like that don’t ACTUALLY happen. Why spend all our energy on–” UGH, STOP, SHUT UP, YOU ARE THE WORST, IT JUST HAPPENED THIS WEEK! AHHHHH! So please let this serve as a reminder that the worst possible thing you can think of happening, even though it seems crazy, does happen sometimes. Sometimes you get pushed onto the tracks. Sometimes the bee DOES sting you. Sometimes even though you’re just putting your purse down for two seconds and it’s a nice bar and you go there all the time, someone DOES steal your purse. Sometimes THE POLAR BEAR SHATTERS THE PROTECTIVE GLASS AT THE ZOO WHILE YOU’RE STANDING THERE, WATCHING IT.
Ahhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Be safe out there. Don’t leave your houses. Stay inside where you’re safe. Order in chinese food. Call your family. Take a nap. (Via Abroath.)