I’m not trying to brag, but I read the first three Game of Thrones books about 10 years ago. LADIIIIIIIIES?! That being said I couldn’t for the life of me tell you today what happens after the first book. It has helped me to be able to follow the show to some extent, which, yo, this show is great but it is so complicated! This show’s Facebook status is It’s Confusing Sometimes. (Boom. Gotcha!) But other than that, I fold. So recently, I decided I wanted to catch up because I do want to read the new one, Like Water for Dragons or whatever it’s called, and I couldn’t remember for the life of me if I’d even read the fourth book (Look At Those Crows!) or not, so I started reading it figuring it would catch me up and holy cow it is crazy all of the stuff that is going to happen! The people who have not read the books and are just watching the show are in for a Game of SPOILERS. You’ll see. Let’s talk about it in 2014. Pull your life raft up next to mine and we’ll share theories on who SPOILERED king SPOILER as we reminisce about what it was like before the world was covered in water. Anyway, this week’s episode: good. You know. I mean, it’s good. The show is great. Not all of the episodes are going to be EARTH-SHATTERING. We do eventually have to get from point A to point WHOA. This week we learned that Theon Greyjoy is a total chode. Joffrey is a little bitch. The Hound seems pretty chill. Rob wants to bone. The Lord of Spices is a turd. Arya is running out of magical death wishes. And, of course, DUDE WHERE’S MY DRAGONS?! Next week: Queen Cersei gets her nails did!