Finally, An Eating Contest For The Barf%

For years, the lower classes have enjoyed eating contests with foods such as hot dogs, pies, probably White Castle hamburgers, probably lard, etc., as members of the upper class watched from the sidelines in joyless envy. “Certainly we would love to participate in such a tremendous display of waste, especially on account of how many hungry people there are all over the world, ha-ha, oh my, my heart flutters at the mere thought of it, but hot dogs? Certainly we couldn’t participate in an eating contest featuring such a food as the ‘hot dog,'” said the wealthy (English) person I’ve imagined. Well, I’m pleased to announce that those wealthy (imaginary?) (but really, probably NOT imaginary!) (#occupyhotdogs) people are IN LUCK! Yay, hooray for them! Finally something is going right! This past week in Russia, a few lucky yuckies participated in an eating contest, consuming over $70,000 of caviar in, I don’t know, two minutes? I’m not sure how long it took. Look at how much it was worth it and how totally enjoyable it was!

Bring! It! Here! To! A-! -merica! We! De-! -serve it! This! Is! Our thing! Give! It! Back! (Via BuzzFeed.)