“Top Story About Pooping Pants At School”

By Gabe Delahaye / April 19, 2012

Oh, stop your complaining. Who HASN’T been forced to sit in their own (if they’re lucky) “diarrhea poop” for hours and then handed a garbage bag and told to wrap yourself up at some point? And this is news now?! LOLOLOLJKJKJLOLOLOLOL. This is a horrible story, and thank you to these Woodwards and Bernsteins for breaking it wide open. Due to their hardwork and tough scoops, I’m pretty sure we can confidently throw EVERYONE in jail now? Like, teacher obviously. Do not pass GO, teacher. And the principal who reluctantly agreed that OK, in retrospect, after MUCH deliberation, perhaps forcing a child to sit in “diarrhea poop” for hours and refusing to help her or clean it up and probably charging her five cents for the trash bag because trash bags don’t grow on trees you know, although it’s funny to imagine a trash bag tree that’d be a funny tree (!) is not an appropriate school policy and who promises to take another look at the school’s policy and see if it needs any adjustment at the next curriculum meeting four months from now should also go to jail. But uh, the dad miiiiiiiiiiight need to go to jail. I’ll leave that up to the judge to decide, but any parent whose main argument concerning the psychological abuse that the school to which he entrusted his precious children inflicted on them is to counter with the vaguely understood idea that if he himself were to do the same thing, HOWEVER MUCH HE MIGHT WANT TO, he would be in trouble so the school should definitely be in trouble because you aren’t just allowed to do that to a kid, are you? No, right? Or is it yes?! Can I whoops I MEAN CAN THE SCHOOL allow my daughter to sit in “diarrhea poop” all day? Asking for a friend. Rest your case, dad. AND GET ON THE JAIL BUS. (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)