That’s Your Boyfriend: The Goldfish Drinker

You and your friends have a pact that your love lives are your own business. No judging allowed. Each of you understand that sometimes what can look on the outside like a sloppy doofus can be, deep down, a total sweetie. You trust each other, and so far it has worked out well. That’s why it’s so weird that now that you’ve started dating what could possibly be the one true love of your life — a college student in a dorm bathroom beer bonging a bunch of goldfish — your friends are all being such bitches about it! Are they jealous, do you think? You know that your boyfriend looks like someone who is probably not going to regret this nearly enough, if at all, and like someone who is definitely participating in a video that no one should ever watch if they’re feeling even slightly nauseated already, because OH BOY, and also like someone who kind of looks like he’s wearing a wig but isn’t, but that’s just because they don’t know him! At all! If they would just take two seconds to come over to the bathroom, watch him drink these fish, and get to know him like you do, you know they’d fall in love with him too.

He stole the lives of those fish the same way he stole your heart: with surprising ease. (Via UniqueDaily.)