Betty White’s Twitter Account Reveals Our Communal Existential Boredom

A few days ago, the Internet exploded when Betty White joined Twitter. WOWOWOWOOW! My feelings about Betty White are well documented, of course, but even the “fans” (“isn’t it amazing that she’s still alive?!”) have got to be disappointed by this recent development. She’s only Tweeted (or has she! We’re getting to it) four times: one of them was an announcement that she was joining Twitter. One was a straight forward plug for her new TV show. One was a Tweet at Ryan Seacrest. And one was a straight forward thank you to people for being nice to her on Twitter. Cool! Cool tweets, bro! But then: SCANDAL ERUPTED! Betty White’s co-star, Valerie Bertinelli tweeted that the Betty White Twitter account was an imposter! And that Betty White didn’t have any idea what was going on! From People:

“Just spoke with Betty and she is VERY upset!” wrote Bertinelli. “@BettyMWhite is NOT her. Don’t know how they got verified, but it is not Betty. Please RT!”

PLEASE RT! Obviously, this is HUGE. Barack Obama is expected to deliver a speech in the Rose Garden later today. “If I had a Twitter account, it would look like Betty White’s.” But then Bertinelli followed it up a few minutes later with this IMPORTANT UPDATE:

“Stop the presses!” she wrote. “Betty just got a call. An account was opened on her behalf by her people. More to come…”

The “more” took the form of a retraction and a profanity.

“It’s all a misunderstanding,” wrote Bertinelli. “@BettyMWhite IS Betty’s twitter account! Now follow me back, b—-! ;-)”

Good grief. “MORE TO COME.” Hahha, relax Valerie Bertinelli. YOU LOVE TROUBLE! But, OK, so Betty White’s people opened a verified Twitter account in her name and were writing boring Tweets to promote her new show on her behalf. Fine. Did you know we’re all going to die one day? I mean, Good God does it ever end? At a certain point do we get to REST? Follow Valerie Bertinelli back, bitches.